Depression Sucks

I haven’t been posting as much as I use to. I’m sure that pleases many of you. I am Bipolar II, which typically tends to lean more towards depression and the upswings into mania are not so severe. The past couple of weeks I’ve been dealing with the depressive side.

It wasn’t long ago that when I was depressed, I would completely shut down. I’d stay in bed mostly, have the blinds closed and wouldn’t care about was going on in the world. Nothing was getting done around the house and I didn’t even worry about my hygiene. Fortunately now I still get depressed but can usually work through it. The bad news is that when I get depressed I can usually work through it. That means I’m getting shit done but am still feeling depressed. Now, I have a choice and climbing back into that bed and pulling the covers over my head is damn tempting. In some ways it was easier when I didn’t have a choice and just shut down.

The one thing that is still very difficult to do is hygiene. I don’t know why, but most people I talk with that deal with depression say it’s the most difficult thing for them as well. Brushing teeth and taking a shower are the last things in the world I want to do. Yeah, yeah…ick. If I wasn’t married, I probably would skip both. When I was in deeper depression I did skip them and didn’t care. I don’t know what it is about turning on the water and stepping in that is so exhausting, but it’s the last thing I want to do when feeling down.

When I was going through my rapid cycling period (up and down from mania to depression quickly) I was able to write my posts very easily. I’d plop my ass down in this chair and pump out a post in no time full of my wit and wisdom. Being in a depressed state it ain’t so easy. I don’t know if it’s because I had more to say when I was cycling up and down, if it was just easier to post when I was manic more often, or what, but it’s damn harder to come up with a subject. My brain just doesn’t want to work that hard lately, which is disappointing because I love blogging.

Waaaaaaah. So this is my whiny post. I think we all need a whiny post now and again.

  17 comments for “Depression Sucks

  1. August 26, 2008 at 17:58

    Hi there, I know this is an older post but I wanted to write a comment. :)My son was diagnosed as Bi-Polar with Psychotic tendencies. I believe that’s the mouthful they gave him. He’s 16 and got into a terrible mess last September with attempted suicide. We had the SWAT team kickin’ in doors at the house. ‘Nuff said, but it put my “little” guy into the hospital and onto meds.I just wanted to say I’m glad I found your blog, and I do hope your depression is at bay right now.I know it’s tough… I really know. But hugs from afar (er, California! LOL)Venting and Whining on our blogs is therapy in itself. 🙂 Looks like you are doing well on the health part too! Whoot!Okay, over ‘n out scout!Monica

  2. August 21, 2008 at 00:12

    I like your “good news…bad news” about “working through it.” I tend to experience both low-grade (which tends to be seasonal) and deep depression, and suspect that the low-grade may be more insidious, precisely because I can “work through it” and therefore am a lot less likely to do anything about it. With deep depression, however, there’s a crisis, a sense that “I need to do something about this, or I’m gonna die”–and that–since I haven’t died yet–is when productive changes in how I deal with my depression and with my life in general are made….

  3. August 17, 2008 at 03:38

    Isn’t it amazing how much energy it takes to shower? And forget about brushing the teeth! I totally get it. Hope things get better.

  4. August 16, 2008 at 00:57

    You deserve a whiny post. You know.. I was thinking about the hygiene thing.. and don’t you think you can relate it to being sick… physically sick. When you have a bad cold or the flu, you don’t feel much like showering or brushing your teeth or doing anything along those lines either. Depression is another form of being sick… it is just that it doesn’t manifest itself in sneezing, coughing or throwing up. I’m with you… Feel better and please… please update me on what MEME. I’m afraid I’m posting a MEME.

  5. August 15, 2008 at 23:06

    Let it roll my friend.

  6. August 14, 2008 at 20:14

    I understand what you mean about hygiene. Showers are the WORST for me during depression. For some reason, it takes sooo much energy to turn on the shower, make sure the temperature is right, actually step INTO the shower… ugh, too much work. Even washing dishes is a bear. It’s amazing how depression – in some cases, literally – sucks the life out of you.

  7. Shiv
    August 14, 2008 at 05:49

    I feel ya my friend, I’ve not written anything in a while because I also have lost the…inspiration? motivation? whatever it is. I even have something I want to write about, but somehow actually putting thoughts on a page in a worthwhile form seems impossible at the moment.Sorry to hear you’re down at the moment, wish there was something I could do to help!~Shiv

  8. August 14, 2008 at 12:26

    do your best to keep getting those showers, the movement of the water on you helps to relieve some of the depressive symptoms. wellness writer is also right, walk outside. The sun helps and movement helps. You are brave, know that!

  9. la
    August 14, 2008 at 04:29

    >>taking a shower [is] the last things in the world I want to do.And why would you? You'd have to take off those comfortable, protective pyjamas and be naked and vulnerable. You'd have to stand up straight for a few minutes when all you want to do is curl into a ball. You'd have the water battering down on you when you already feel gravity is dragging you down. And worst of all is the feeling you might just disappear down the plughole. I understand. I've spent too much time crouching in the shower crying.And, Alan, bipolar disorder is NOT a choice.

  10. Wellness Writer
    August 13, 2008 at 21:31

    Dear Bradley,Hope you feel better, and it didn’t seem so whinny to me either. Because I’m married and have a son, I almost always have showered, and brushed my teeth–even when the depression was so terrible, I could barely walk to the bathroom. And I think it’s a good thing that we force ourselves to do that.Also, in the worst times, I would try to sit outside for ten minutes, even if it took me forever to get into the back yard. I found that the act of walking, and getting a little sunlight–did wonders for my mood. I must admit, however, that I usually don’t have the energy or inclination to blog through a depression. Good for you!Susan

  11. August 14, 2008 at 02:53

    Nah, I didn’t think this was whiney…

  12. August 14, 2008 at 01:24

    I think a lot of things are all a choice. If one chooses to see the glass half full…well that’s a choice and if one chooses to see it half full…well then what is one choosing to do next…and next etc..?

  13. August 13, 2008 at 21:59

    Hang in there Bradley, hey it could be worse: you could write an entire blog of whiney posts like I do. :)I know that depression far too well, and as you probably know from experience, it will pass! it’s just getting through it that is the hard part right?Besides, carrying a ton of bricks burns calories? (sorry my attempt at a joke.)Hang in there!

  14. August 13, 2008 at 21:50

    I always wondered about the hygiene thing. It might sound odd but I have never been sure if it was just me being lazy, if I was trying to rebel in some way or if it really was the depression. It certainly helps to learn that others have the same problems.Thanks for keeping on with the blogging.

  15. August 13, 2008 at 21:11

    Yeah, when we’re really down the last thing, the very last we can bring ourselves to care for is ourselves. I so get that.And I totally agree: we all need a whiny post now and again! (Though this post didn’t seem all that whiny to me)

  16. August 13, 2008 at 20:46

    I’m glad that you did a post today to let us know what is going on with you. It wasn’t that whiny. Good for you for writing today. It is the same thing with me when it comes to grooming and hygiene and being married makes no difference to me. It is like the most energy zapping and painful thing to do is to brush my teeth, floss, take a shower, wash my hair, and then to have to get dressed. On days that I am not going anywhere, I just don’t it. Weekends are pretty casual around here…please no unexpected company…I run to the bedroom.Sorry, that you are on the down swing…it sucks to have just enough energy to do somethings, but still be depressed…welcome to my world. I wish you didn’t have to experience it.

  17. August 13, 2008 at 19:39

    I learn as much about myself from your posts as I do about you. Even, ok, maybe especially, the whiny ones. Thanks for forcing yourself to post today. I know it was hard to do.

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