Everything’s Still Coming Up Roses

This weeks Throwback Thursday was originally posted in August 2008. I think it speaks for itself.

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

Being a teenager who was gay and not ready to come out of the closet was extremely difficult. It meant that I frequently went through the motions to try and convince others and myself that I was not gay. This included dating a few times.

My first date was with Toni Taylor. Toni was a nice girl, but a bit awkward. She looked very much like Shelley Duvall, but without the big eyes. She was a couple of years older than me and was much taller so I found her intimidating.

When I arrived to her house she invited me in. I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to do. Should I sit close to her, should I sit next to her, should I sit across from her. I just didn’t know. In all honesty, I wasn’t even sure if she knew it was a date. I wasn’t sure myself. She suggested I have a seat before she sat down so I was off the hook. The ball was in her court. She chose to sit close to me.

We chatted for several awkward minutes and then she got up to turn on music. I was nervous at this point. What was she going to put on? Was she trying to get romantic? What occurred was the last thing I could imagine. Toni put on music and began singing and dancing to “Everything’s Coming Up Roses.” She even wore a top hat that she tipped as she sang. Granted, this was my first date, but I was reasonably sure this wasn’t typical.

After her song and dance routine, I suggested we head out to dinner. My choice of locations and entree were a bad idea. I had spaghetti. Little did I know that spaghetti was the kiss of death in job interviews and first dates. As you would expect, sauce wound up all down the front of my shirt.

This was not going well.

When we arrived back to Toni’s house we went to her backyard and sat on the hammock. We chatted and laughed for awhile, but the entire time I was thinking that I had to make my move. I knew if I didn’t she would think I was strange. I knew it’s what she was expecting. Afterall, she’s the one who brought me back there on a star filled night. Being the Romeo I was I reached my arms to embrace her. This was no sweet embrace, though. This was the type of embrace you give a frail old woman who’s bones are about to snap. I clutched her closer and she grew rigid. Clearly I was not doing this right, but I kept doing the best I could. I pulled her down onto the hammock to give her a kiss and as expected we both flipped out and landed heads first on the ground. I laughed to break the tension. Toni saw no humour in the situation.

Soon after the hammock incident we were at her door and I was telling her goodnight. I leaned forward with my lips puckered like a little girl to kiss her. She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.

For the next year we would pass each other in the hall at school. We would be cordial and say hello, but that was it. Never again did we mention our “date”. I’m sure she did her best to forget it. I know I have. Fortunately over the years I became much better at dating. I don’t know if it came with age, or if it came from dating men, but it certainly couldn’t have gotten any worse.

  19 comments for “Everything’s Still Coming Up Roses

  1. April 13, 2016 at 07:27

    Ohmygod not the kiss on the cheek! But the hammock….I would’ve done an awkward tumble and roll like that too lol

    • Bradley
      April 13, 2016 at 12:01

      Looking back it the night was actually fun and I think I sawsaw the humor of it at the time. The absurdity of it all gave me laughs immediately after.

  2. April 11, 2016 at 17:00

    Very funny story! Seems like Ethel Merman might have been a little old for her, but I probably would have started singing too. First dates, gay or straight, can be funny, fun, traumatic, dull, and many other things. But I think they’re usually remembered for many, many years.

    • Bradley
      April 11, 2016 at 17:18

      Oh, this is one that will be remembered for years…a lifetime actually. I’ll never forget her song and dance routine.

  3. April 10, 2016 at 09:44

    Too funny! I can picture you both tumbling out of that hammock…great descriptives in this post, my dearest Bradley!! I am so happy you are “back”, have I mentioned? 🙂

    • Bradley
      April 10, 2016 at 11:39

      Glad you liked it, Rose. Good to hear you like seeing my face around again. Gives me warm fuzzies,

  4. Scout
    April 9, 2016 at 12:10

    Forgive me for laughing so much at this, Bradley, but I hope by now you’re laughing, too! Gay, straight, dating was painful Lol!

    • Bradley
      April 9, 2016 at 14:44

      No forgiveness needed. I look back on this fondly and think it’s hysterical

      • Scout
        April 9, 2016 at 14:46

        It is ?

  5. April 9, 2016 at 11:56

    Great story. Love that she sang and danced for you. Think you both would have had a great time without physical contact.

    • Bradley
      April 9, 2016 at 14:52

      I was too puzzled and it was too surreal for me to think it was fun at the time. The song and dance routine really caught me off guard. It’s certainly fun to look back on.

  6. April 7, 2016 at 21:09

    That’s a great story! Too bad she didn’t see the humor in it, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get off the ground for laughing!

    • Bradley
      April 7, 2016 at 22:13

      Oh, it’s all good. She didn’t get angry. I think she was stunned more than anything else

  7. April 7, 2016 at 15:26

    WOW! I really like the story my brother I am glad that you shared it with all of us.

    • Bradley
      April 7, 2016 at 16:10

      It was too much fun not to share

  8. April 7, 2016 at 12:33

    Oh that first date is AWKWARD for everyone. And it’s almost ALWAYS with the wrong person, so it’s that much awkwarder. You know, like the word awkwarder. 🙂

    • Bradley
      April 7, 2016 at 13:44

      I love new words. Awkwarder makes perfect sense to me

  9. April 7, 2016 at 09:39

    I loved this story. My husband and I had the hammock thing happen to us (except it was a porch swing). When we went over, we couldn’t stop laughing. We also couldn’t get up. We were like turtles on their backs. (Okay, we were sloshed.) Sorry yours didn’t turn out to be such a fond memory. I guess you just have to be with the right person when things like that happen.

    • Bradley
      April 7, 2016 at 10:56

      Oh, it’s a fond memory. It makes me laugh when I think of it. Just wasn’t funny to both of us, which was her loss. Generally, she’s a nice person, though, so I hope she’s doing well and looks back and see’s how funny that evening was,

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