One of the thrills of being bipolar is the contest of taking more pills than other friends or people in your support group. Now that my pdoc put me on another one I take 8 pills every morning and 6 pills every night. Woo Hoo! I know some who take sixteen or more a day, but I’m at their rear and approaching fast.
My pdoc thinks my recent manic like events are actually high anxiety. I think she may be right. The new pill is P-something-or-other. It’s a long name that I can’t pronounce. So far it works reducing my anxiety but that’s because it feels like my knuckles are dragging the ground and I can barely keep my eyes open. I hope my body is just adapting. This carousel game of trying one pill then taking away another, trying another pill and taking another way is really on my nerves this week.
Speaking of nerves, I choked up and almost started crying at my pdocs this week. It was all about me going back to work. I use to think I was afraid of it because I was just lazy. Well, I am lazy, but that’s beside the point. The real fear I have is going back and having to juggle the balls like I use to. I played the game for so many years. She and I discussed how painful it was. She brought up vocational rehab again. Apparently they will only place you in a job you can mentally handle. There we go, talking about putting pegs in holes again. Sigh.
Yesterday was fun. We picked a new courthouse to go to that apparently a lot of people didn’t know was there so it was quiet compared to other locations. We had fun though and got some good press and handed out cupcakes to newlyweds regardless of whether they were gay or not. I deem the day a big success, but need to pull back a bit. Part of my anxiety is the feeling of being overwhelmed. I don’t know why she says that, I only take on about 50 things a week.
Last thing is, I’m finally going to start posting my own cartoons, like above, rather than stealing others. I’m a bit emarrassed. 20 years ago I use to cartoon for fun and was very proud of my work. I found I was much more rusty than I wanted to be. I figure with practice my skills will be back and I might as well let all of you in on it.
Final thing is that I’ve said I take a total of 14 pills each day between the morning and the evening. Bipolar, depressed, or not, I’m curious how many you folks take each day? I’m trying to figure out how out of it I am.