Look It’s Really Me again

Wow, I didn’t realize how damn long it’s been since I actually wrote something for this blog. I apologize for the couple of times I said I was coming back, but didn’t. It’s because I was playing around in other online games, such as Second Life. I’ve had fun, but I’ve now grown weary of them. During this entire time I missed blogging more and more every day. I have no excuses other than taking the time to search the net to learn what else I can do.

I have no idea where to begin since it’s been so long, Here’s a quick rundown. Currently I’m having pretty severe loss of memory, but I’ll try and get as much down as I can:

Change of pdoc. As I’ve said time and time again, I loved my pdoc. Unfortunately she has filled her resident status and moved away. She is replaced by a grumbly older guy. He’s nice but has made an appointment for next month. My old pdoc saw me once a week. This makes me a little nervous. I’m hoping he takes good care of me with the meds but assigns me to a good person for therapy

Recently we’ve seen:
XMen Origins: Woverine: Transformers 2: Terminator Salvation; Up; Monster vs Aliens ; 9, and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

I get surprised to hear I had already seen these movies, I can’t remember the story line, the actors. Hell, I don’t even remember being in the theaters,

I have no concept of date and time. for instance, I thought for sure today was Monday, only to be corrected that’s it’s Friday. Doesnt sound like much, however, I have to ask these type of questions all day

I’ve started seeing cats and dogs. I’ll see our cat run under the kitchen table to hide. I’ve also felt the cat cuddling up with me in bed. The dog doesn’t really do much. He causes no trouble, he just runs around the house. There is one huge problem here: We do not have a cat or dog. When I see these animals and look at them from the corner of my eye they just kind of whisp away kinda like the demons.

I still suffer from dissassociation. When that happens I am terrified to do anything. I’m afraid to touch the walls or counters, or pretty much anything in the house. I’m frightened that I’ll find just a gooey substance that my hands would go right through anything in the room. For instance, if I put my ass down on the bed I fear I would sink right down in it. It’s an awful feeling and frightening. Fortunately the episodes don’t last long. Usually I reach out to a wall and feel safer. If Maurice is around, he’ll grab my hands and walk with me around a bit.

Despite all of this, I’m grateful for how far I’ve come. All the items listed above have been going on for nearly 3 years and most have subsided finally. The only ones I’m dealing with regularly is the disassociation and my spooky cat and dog.

It’s Friday and I normally don’t post on the weekends. I hope to see you all then.

  4 comments for “Look It’s Really Me again

  1. Wellness Writer
    October 27, 2009 at 04:43

    Dear Bradley,Welcome back! I, too, am glad to hear you're writing again.Susan

  2. October 16, 2009 at 00:44

    Hey Brad, You are so special. When I call you to complain about my own BPD life, you never talk about all these weird symptoms you are (still) having. Of course, maybe you forgot. There is that. Also, have you named the phantom pets?

  3. September 23, 2009 at 04:23

    Hi, I don't know why I haven't visited your blog before–I've been reading it, though, and it seems like you have quite a few things in common with my husband. I just wanted to say thanks for a great blog, and thanks for helping me understand some things from his point of view!

  4. September 11, 2009 at 22:49

    Hi Bradley, good to see you writing again.

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