Mania, Depression & Weight – Oh My!

My mania and depression are out of control. Ever take one of those small roller coaster’s that you think are going to be an easy ride, then you find it bumps and shakes and is more nerve wracking than a large one? Damn! I hate those, but that’s me these days. Nothing too high, nothing too low, but crazy. The positive is that I am much more balanced than six months ago. but the negative is that means I notice more when I’m not feeling so hot.

I wake up feeling great. Bright eyed and bushy tailed and singing songs (Yes, Maurice hates it). I start with my morning walk. No more 5 – 10 minute walks for this stud! I’m up to 30 – 40 minutes each morning. Hell, after my walk I even take a shower before Maurice gets ready for work….Yes, I did say shower. About half the time now my claustrophobia is not an issue. Maurice’s big frustration is that I hate the movie “The Sound of Music” but the songs I sing in the shower are usually from that movie. Hey, get off my case. They are easy to remember.

Things change around mid day. I slowly progress towards mania. I start taking on projects and begin doing my usual routine of play on computer, start a chore, start another chore, play on computer, etc. etc. until nothing gets done. Yesterday our couple’s counselor made me make a HUGE commitment. I committed to washing dishes for 15 – 20 minutes daily, or less if they don’t pile up. I really mean it when I say HUGE. It use to be that laundry was my bugaboo, but now its dishes. Sounds like an incredibly difficult challenge doesn’t it? My goal is that once I get accustomed to doing the dishes regularly, that I’ll take on another task for a short period each day. For now it’s just one foot in front of the other. (I was tempted to put a video of that song from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer at this point, but I’ll spare both you and I).

Evenings I get depressed. Maurice’s shoulder gets wet some nights when I will break into tears for no reason. When I try to come up with one, the only thing that comes to mind is how much I hate having this disease. I thought I’d come to terms with it, but I guess I have some work to do. If I’m not crying then I am Maurice’s worst nightmare. I become the bitchiest queen you ever saw, including West Hollywood.

Much as I’d like to skip it, let’s get to my weight. Last I got weighed was May 29. I was elated to step on the scale yesterday. I was fully confident that I had surpassed half of reaching my first goal of losing 24 pounds. I couldn’t wait. The scale was my friend and I lovingly stepped on. Who the hell needs friends like that!!!! I gained one pound. I’m eating light healthy meals, I’m getting lots of fiber, drinking lots of water and walking from 30 – 40 minutes a day, so, how in the hell can I possibly gain? Being a Buddhist and a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have learned a lot about the danger of expectations. I preach it to my friends when they get upset over matters. Here I am the expert getting all pissy about gaining one pound. “Practice what you preach” is a bitch.

Because of the video in yesterdays post, there was chatter in the comments about the Brady’s and their house. family house. I’ll leave you a link to a great website that shows the house today. The site is called 1164 Morning Glory Circle: http://www.1164.com/burbank/bradys/index.html
That was the address for the house in Bewitched, btw, not the Brady’s. The site is about many tv houses.

I’m also going to leave you with another video treat. Does anyone else agree with me that Bobby is the hottest rock star ever?

  9 comments for “Mania, Depression & Weight – Oh My!

  1. Zathyn Priest
    June 16, 2008 at 06:05

    I agree with girlblue, you’re probably gaining muscle tone and that does weigh more than fat. Having said that, I also have major weight issues and I understand the frustration of it not reflecting on the scales. In fact, I’ve given up the scales and go by how my clothes are fitting. If they’re looser than last time I wore them, I feel better about it. Just watch you don’t get obsessed with weight loss because it can sneak up on you. Over the past six months or so I’ve developed an eating disorder. Not saying you will, just try not to be too hard on yourself with the weight issue.Zathyn

  2. June 13, 2008 at 17:33

    I’m a professional dieter, and I can assure you a pound gain means nothing. When I was in the hospital for a couple months, totally controlled conditions, you understand, my weight would fluctuate up and down by as much as 6 pounds a week. And I’m a guy, so no “monthly” problems there. Now, I’m gonna 12 step you a little. Progress, not perfection. Sometimes, it’s not one day at a time, sometimes it’s one minute at a time.Take a minute, and reflect on how far you’ve come. I think you’ll be pleased.

  3. June 13, 2008 at 15:02

    Probably the easiest factor to consider is how your clothing is fitting. Unless, you are a woman…Then, the hormones and bloating take effect, but you don’t have to worry about that, now. (Why do I say the wierd stuff I do…?)

  4. Bipolar Wellness Writer
    June 13, 2008 at 06:16

    What is it with bipolar folks and washing dishes? I must say I had to laugh. Maybe it’s just about focusing. You think?Are you taking any medication that causes a weight gain? Otherwise, I guess I agree with the muscle theory. And I personally can sing the entire score to the Sound of Music–Captain Van Trapp as well as Maria.Susan

  5. June 13, 2008 at 06:28

    BWW, I agree the problem with dishes is the ability, or lack thereof, to focus.My meds have been adjusted so I shouldn’t have anymore weight gain, however, the way it shut up it’s going to take a bit to go down. John, We are at nearly the same weight. I’m at 285. We need to hold each others hands though this. I like the thought of the insides getting healthier before the outsides. Good call.

  6. June 13, 2008 at 02:53

    20 minutes of dishes? holy crap. I do half a minute in the morning. breakfast bowl. I have trained my cats to clean the rest. I lay dirty dishes on the floor, they lick it up, I put them in the dish washer… that’s it.Ok, no. That’s doesn’t actually happen, but it could! Esp if my depression hits in the midst of pre-dish clean up.Hang in there dude. girlblue and maurice are right about the muscle. I’m at… 270? Started working out, after a year lapse. I expect my heart and insides to get healthier, first. Slimming down comes later. Keep drinking lots of water (not hazing LOTS) and do what you’re doing. It’ll get better. – J

  7. June 13, 2008 at 00:16

    Thank you, GB. Maurice said the same thing about muscle. I have gotten a comment or two that it looks like I’ve lost a little and I know the muscles in my legs have gotten stronger, so I’ll buy in. It’s better than seeing it from a negative point.The dishes shouldn’t take 20 minutes to do except we have a tendency to let them pile up if I don’t do it. It’s pretty disgusting actually. If I wash them daily it should only take 10 minutes or so and I don’t have to try and stretch it to 20 or 30.

  8. June 12, 2008 at 23:08

    Bradley just remember that the more you exercise the more muscle you are going to gain and muscle weighs more than fat so that, whilst you will be looking sleeker and your clothes become loose and you even go down a few inches, the scale may tell you that you weigh more. don’t let it bug you.20 minutes of dishes seems a bit muchSo proud of you and the 30-40 mins of walking

  9. June 12, 2008 at 18:21

    I hate dishes. I remember a time when I couldn’t even empty the dishwasher. I empty the dishwasher daily now–thanks to my therapist. Grumble, grumble.

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