For many, this will fall under the category of TMI, but I hate to bathe. As a teen, even when very depressed, I still spent 15 – 30 minutes in the shower. But now it’s hard to drag my ass in there. I’ve talked with people who say they have the same problem when they are depressed. It’s a greasy, perspiration filled epidemic. I’m glad I shave my head so hair is not an issue. It may be shiny but it ain’t greasy.
Part of the problem is I’ve become a bit claustrophobic. As a kid you’d find me sleeping in a book shelf or snuggled in a closet (I guess I was in the closet at an early age). I liked tight spaces. But since my claustrophobia began two years ago it’s tough. Usually, I can’t take a shower because I can’t have the shower doors closed. That means I take bathes, which I don’t like. Those are good excuses, but the reality is, it’s just damned hard when I’m feeling blue. I’m lucky to have Maurice around to tell me when I’m stinky and that motivates me. If I lived alone, though, I’d be in my undies and t-shirt all week without bathing. It’s perfectly OK for you to say “Ewwwwwww” now. I understand.
I had a good meeting with my pdoc today. Because of the crazy mood swings I’ve had lately, she is likely to change my meds. We’re going to discuss it next week. We did get into a little bit of therapy. She told me I have penis envy, but I reminded that I have a penis and she changed her prognosis.
Weighed myself today and not as bad as I thought. Three weeks ago I weighed 293 lbs. Today I weighed 293 lobs. Not the loss I wanted but I thought I had gained a lot. I’m taking it pretty well. I’m right back where I started and it’s a new day. Rather than beat myself up I’m going to call it a “do-over”. My pdoc and I discussed me trying again some drugs that don’t affect weight, but made me sick before. I said I was willing to try again and wait them out to see if the effects pass. We’re going to discuss it more later.
ANXIETY HITS! For over a month I’ve had people selling tickets for a charity concert and just 3 hours ago I found out the time has been wrong on the tickets, fliers and advertisements, and the choral group cannot change their time. Yeah, BIG whoops, huh? I’m totally anxiety ridden, but overall I’ve been level today. My mood has been fine, I’m just freaked out about what to do about all the tickets that have sold. I think anyone would feel anxiety after that happened, so I’m going to rate my mood as level today.