School Dazed

Going back to school has been a real bitch. I struggled a lot when I first went back, but this semester is better. I’m making great grades. Granted, I’m only taking one class, but that is beside the point. Being excited I’ve gone ahead and registered for four classes this Fall. The classes I’ve signed up for are English 101, Religious Philosophy, Sociology and Psychology. Yeah, I know, all four are difficult classes, but, at least I didn’t include Spanish 001 like I wanted. My school counselor said she would not approve me for five classes anyway.

On Thursday, last week, Maurice and I had a talk and he wants me to reduce the number of classes down to three. I gave it some thought and agreed.

Then on Friday I met with my pdoc and discussed school and the classes I’m taking. He was adamant that I was not ready to take a big load and that I should only take one class. Sometimes I just hate him. I debated with him and told him I was willing to cut it down to two classes. He just sighed, shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. I’m way too use to that response from him. I gave it some thought later and decided maybe I’d listen to him and take only one. I wasn’t happy about it, but thought he knows me better than I know myself sometimes, so maybe he was right.

Then came Saturday. I checked my school email and received an award letter for a full grant for the next year. One caveat, though. I have to take a full load, which, means I have to take four classes to receive the grant.(sigh)

Now I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. I don’t want to take the risk of not receiving the grant next year, however, it’s kind of pointless to take four classes and end up failing one or two. My brain has turned to mush trying to figure out what I should do.

I meet with my therapist in a couple of weeks and I’ll see if he can help me with this dilemma. I’m fairly certain that he’s going to side with my pdoc. I really need to consider getting a new pdoc and a new therapist. Neither of them agree with me when I want to do something stupid.

Sometimes life gives you exactly what you want and it’s just not fair.

  10 comments for “School Dazed

  1. derb523622013
    August 2, 2013 at 07:30

    Haha, be careful what you wish for, right? I think Lora may just be right. Never allow money to guide your decisions. You need to take care of you.

    • Bradley
      August 2, 2013 at 10:10

      Yeah, derb, I know she’s right. Darn her!

  2. Lora
    July 29, 2013 at 20:05

    Brad, go back and read your posts from this semester. You’re taking a single class, gaining weight, not walking daily, and have days of out of control eating. And you’re agonizing over assignment after assignment. Listen to your psychiatrist. I urge you to stick with one class at a time until you can do it comfortably. My prediction is that you are going to be seriously miserable taking two. Just because you’re doing it one at a time this year doesn’t mean you won’t be doing three or four a semester next year, or the year after that. For now your priority needs to be putting as much energy into living a balanced, healthy life over all as you do in your school work. In the future you’ll be a much better minister if you are able to speak with people as someone who has a very firm handle on self care. Don’t fight the doctor and Maurice. Stay sane. That’s the biggest gift you can give to yourself, to Maurice and everyone else who loves you, and to the world. Stay sane.

    • Bradley
      July 29, 2013 at 21:39

      Wow, Lora. Quite the response, and I think you’re right. In fact, one of the options for English is a three hour class one day a week. If I take that class I may be able to take a second. On the other hand, if I only take that once a week class, it will allow me the rest of the week to take care of some necessary things that need to get done, including taking care of my health. I’m leaning towards taking only the one class, but will wait until I talk with my school counselor and my therapist before I start cancelling all the others.

  3. July 29, 2013 at 11:28

    That’s quite a dilemma and I understand your frustration. You need to do what you think you can handle and not set yourself up for failure. Don’t focus on the money…it’s tempting but will it be worth the stress in the end? Be honest with yourself in what you think you can reasonably accomplish then go from there. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

    • Bradley
      July 29, 2013 at 11:48

      You’re right Michele, if I do what my brain says I would be setting myself up for failure. I’m pretty sure I’m only going to take two classes, but as I said, I don’t like it.

      I am meeting with my school counselor tomorrow to discuss the matter. She wasn’t happy when I signed up for the classes I did so I know she’ll be glad to see I’m being more realistic.

  4. July 29, 2013 at 10:40

    I would go with two classes, especially if you are doing well with one. You don’t want to overload your circuits which is almost certain to happen if you take four classes. Are the Psych, Sociology and Religious Philosophy classes Intro level classes or are they higher level classes? If they are Intro level, the psych class and the sociology classes are going to be the hardest because they are really general, and not specific in the stuff that gets taught. Trust me, I have a degree in Sociology and Psychology, and those were the two hardest classes I took precisely because there was so much general knowledge, and it wasn’t focused like a History of Human Sexuality class would be (which, by the way is a fascinating subject.) I would go with either the psych or the sociology, and the philosophy class. I think you’d do well in the philosophy of religions. English 101 would be an easy A for you too, I would think. Unless you are dyslexic and have proofreaders making sure your posts are in order 😉 Does your school consider 3 classes to be full time? If so, take English 101 (your posts are so organized, you’d do well learning essay writing, and whatnot), take Philosophy of Religions (because that sounds really interesting), and then pick either Psych or Soc. for your third.

    And my pdoc, and therapist never agree with me when I want to do something stupid. Why do you think I keep them around? 😉

    • Bradley
      July 29, 2013 at 11:19

      Right now I’m leaning towards taking the English 101 class because it’s only one day a week for several hours. And then I can take the Religious Philosophy class as my 2nd. I like Psychology so I’ll probably take that the following semester. I don’t like Sociology (at least I didn’t in High School) so I’m going to avoid that unless it becomes really necessary to transfer.

      The biggest issue I have is buying textbooks for two classes is going to cost well over $300, which is $300 more than I have. That’s why I hate turning down the grant. I’m just struggling with the not being able to handle more classes yet. It’s all about acceptance, of course, which I’m struggling with this one.

      • July 29, 2013 at 11:37

        I do know what you mean. I tried a few years ago to go back to school to get a Computer Science degree. The math was so difficult that I became very discouraged very quickly (although I think in one case ~ Pre-Calculus ~ it was the teacher), and ended up quitting. I guess my love of all things computer will have to be learned the really hard way. On my own with text books.

        I can totally relate with your struggle not to be able to take more classes. I got through college on the 7 year plan. I did go full-time, and worked as well, but I found that I would have to take semesters off after a particularly rough one.One semester, I was completely aimless even though my declared major wsa psych, and I just took classes that sounded fun. Looking back, I can definitely see Bipolar just screaming at me, but did I see it then? Nope. I still find it hard to reconcile that “kid” that made it through two and three semesters carrying a full load, and the person that now can only handle 2 maybe 3 classes at a time.

        Sometimes, I think that knowing my diagnosis somehow holds me back when before I had no clue, I just knew I needed breaks. I didn’t question why, that’s just the way I worked. Sometimes, I think too much information can be a crippling thing.

        What degree are you going after? And sociology does not suck. That’s what I got my degree in 🙂

        • Bradley
          July 29, 2013 at 11:45

          My major is religious studies, then I plan to get a Masters of Divinity so that I’ll become a minister. I figure with the schooling needed, then internship, I’m probably looking at 10 years before I’m ordained. At this time I’m not interested in ministering at a church. It’s too much like running a business and I’ve been there and done that. I’m more interested in becoming a chaplain and working in a hospital, university or hospice facility.

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