Sleep


Most of my life I had sleeping problems. If I was depressed I was too worried to get to sleep. If I was manic I was …well, too manic. I did lots of things throughout the night to pass the time. I would draw, write, etc. Then there were the odd things that I did. There was a bee hive outside my window and I would let them in one by one then kill them. I’m shocked that I did this because I love bees. I have a huge respect for their Borg culture. But I did it anyway to pass the time. Fortunately I gained a larger respect for life later on. I’d hate to be writing this from jail right now.

I did many other strange things, but probably the strangest was to walk around the neighborhood naked. I was 14 at the time. You should all feel privileged because the only one who ever heard that little tidbit is my pdoc. I can’t explain why, but I was wide awake at 2am so I took off my clothes and hit the streets. A month or so ago as my pdoc and I were discussing my history before I knew I was bipolar, I finally broke down and shared that once and for all. Her response was “Now, tell me, does that sound like normal behavior?” It was at this point that my life flashed before my eyes. Literally. I thought of all the weird and wild events in my life and had to accept that my bipolar disorder was not something that just crept up on me. Oh no, it had been around a long time like a crazy aunt who won’t leave. BTW, for those of you who have ugly pictures in your heads…I was much thinner then.

This past decade my sleep problems improved. Sleepiness would hit me like a ton of bricks and when I crawled in bed – BAM – I was out. Not anymore. For the past month my sleep patterns have been all over the place. Typically I go to bed fine, but later I wake up and toss and turn and turn and toss and toss and turn all night.

Apparently this time it’s not depression or mania most of the time. It’s anxiety. Damn I hate anxiety. My pdoc and I determined by going through some exercises that it is not my meds causing my anxiety and shakiness. So it seems, my shakiness (Chihauha syndrome) is anxiety. Once again I say “Damn!” I much prefer to have other things, like meds, to point fingers at.

For now I’m taking meds that help me get at least most of the night and I’ve been instructed to do some relaxation techniques. But if you see a 44 year old man walking naked around the neighborhood, please say “Hi”.

  10 comments for “Sleep

  1. July 27, 2008 at 23:20

    i agree: naked is fun. i grew up in germany, where people are a bit more acceptable of the human body in its natural form.the problem, of course, is that not everyone thinks naked is fun!it WOULD be an interesting question, though (in my sleep-deprived mind right now at least – i just survived the 24-hour blogathon) if there would have been a difference for you if it was ok to walk the streets naked.

  2. July 23, 2008 at 17:03

    @michelle Fortunately our neighborhood was relatively new so we didn’t have the police around much yet.@dani agreed. naked is always fun. Well, almost always.@tomi always happy to put a smile on anyones [email protected] Naughty places are the best places.@bk I will definitely be checking out your blog. I need all the assistance I can get.@denise I enjoy your blog very much. I want to add it to my blogroll but I kept getting error messages. I have to be careful about which meds I take because I’m a recovering [email protected] man Thinking of me when you see people naked hmmmm. Makes one wonder.@bigd I doubt I’d do well surfing but I love snorkeling. Would that count?

  3. July 23, 2008 at 16:43

    I recommend some nude surfing actually. Probably in Tahiti…

  4. July 23, 2008 at 16:15

    I’m about 3000 miles away, so I’d be surprised to see you in my ‘hood. I couldn’t give you a ride home, but I’d give you one to the airport. Don’t be offended, but I’d put a towel on my seat first. Or offer you some pants. By the way, every time I see the car commercial where the guy stops to pick up the nudists, I’ll think of you.

  5. MChevalier
    July 23, 2008 at 08:52

    I was going to go to a naughty place here, but I'll just keept the thought you walking around naked in your own home in my head. ;O)Peace & Love Y'all!

  6. Tomi Yahya
    July 23, 2008 at 07:17

    I hope you don’t do it. But if you do, I will smile. So you make me healthy. Cause smile is one of the healthy activity. Keep in simply thinking, it’s will help us slep at night.

  7. July 23, 2008 at 13:23

    It was so exciting to see your comment on my blog this morning. I have been following yours for the past month and have really enjoyed it. I am also trying to eat healthier and lose the 40 lbs. I packed on with the Zyprexa. (btw, it makes me sleep like a baby) My daughter & I are doing the South Beach Diet, making the necessary meat substitutions, as we are vegetarian.Hey, have you ever tried Trazadone for sleep? We (daughter & I) swear by it…..

  8. BK
    July 23, 2008 at 10:52

    I’m very sure I would not be seeing you walking naked in your neighborhood since I am thousand of miles away. It is very torturous not being able to fall asleep at night. I am fortunate to be able to sleep most night but I have friends who have challenges sleeping too.I had previously went to a seminar that teaches some methods that one can use to help one sleep better at night and I had written a post regarding it. If you like, you can take a look at: Stress-Less Sleep: Mind-Body Medicine You Can Use Tonight

  9. Michelle
    July 23, 2008 at 00:46

    I wish you’d met my brother he use to like to cavort naked except he was an adult. Police tend to frown on people like him. Keep up the good work. So much has to do with staying active but I know that is so trite but sometimes you got to force yourself to do stuff and at other times ya just got to pack it in. Anyway my friend be healthy!

  10. July 23, 2008 at 04:42

    Naked is fun !!!cute pics..

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