A couple of weeks ago I dropped the only class I was taking. I dropped it because I failed to turn in an essay and chose to withdraw from the class rather than get a low grade. It was my professor’s suggestion, actually. What he didn’t know, however, is that I’m on academic probation. I know, yet, did it anyway not thinking there may be repercussions. It was foolish of me to drop it before speaking with my school counselor, especially since I’m on probation due to withdrawing from too many classes. Now there is a possibility of being placed on dismissal, which means I would have to wait two full semesters before I can register for classes again.
I shared here that I am disheartened, but realize it’s not the end of the world. Now I’m thinking maybe it’s a good thing. Hell, before all this happened, my pdoc was concerned about my stress level and asked me to think about dropping the class. Maybe the gods are trying to send me a message. Maybe their message is to stop taking anymore damn classes before I get my shit together
I spent all day yesterday cleaning the kitchen and haven’t finished. It’s a mess. My husband, Maurice works long hours and I have a difficult time balancing school work and housework, even though I was only taking one class. I’ve let our place go to hell in a hand basket. If I don’t get dismissed from school, the next semester doesn’t start until February. That gives me over three months to be a house husband; My question to myself is, do I, or should I, stop being a full time house husband when opportunities arise?
Although it’s been 8 years since I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, neither my pdoc nor my therapist will release me to go back to work. As I said, my pdoc has now suggested that maybe it’s too soon to be back at school. Maybe he’s right. At this point I’m starting feel like maybe I’ve hit the end of the road regarding my recovery. The meds have me as stable as I feel I’m going to be. My therapy helps, but I don’t know if that’s going to take me any further either. I’m beginning to feel that this is as good as it gets and maybe that’s okay.
Even if it’s not forever, maybe I should take a year or two off. I need to take care of myself and that can begin with improving my environment – my home. More importantly I can use the time to focus on my mental, spiritual and physical health. My mental health is ongoing. My spiritual health needs a swift kick in the ass. I’m Buddhist, but I haven’t focused on my meditation and chanting for a long time. Maurice says he can tell the difference when I focus on my religion and says it’s obvious that I haven’t taken care of that aspect of my life. Last, but not least, is my physical health. At one point I had lost 90 lbs, but I’ve gained some of that back. I’m still 60 lbs lighter than my highest weight, but being 50 years old now I need to lose the weight I took off and more. My plan is to be around for a long time, but that’s only going to happen if I get into shape.
The good news about all of this is that I don’t have to make the decision now. At the minimum I have until February to decide. If I am dismissed from school then I have a year before I have to decide. Regardless of what decision I make, or when I make it, I will be the best damn house husband you’ve ever seen.