The Poopship Enterprise

I was a weird kid. I mean really weird. I mentioned once that around 14 years old that I walked around my neighborhood naked at 2 am. There seemed to be something about me that liked to take it all off.

There was this book I read when I was 11 years. I don’t remember the title, but it was about this boy who is living off the land alone in a forest. He lives in a hollow tree. No, he wasn’t a Keebler elf. He covered the entrance to the tree with deerskin so people wouldn’t find him. I loved this book and I wanted to be this kid so I would go play in the woods behind our home. How did I play? You guessed it…I played totally naked in the woods. Sometimes I wouldn’t be naked, but would wear a loincloth I’d made from string and washcloths. Nowhere in the book does he do these things, but I guess that’s how I thought the book should read. Maybe at that age I already liked the idea of naked men frolicking in the forest. I’d guess the loin cloth is why the Indian Chief was my favorite of the Village People.

Another thing is I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. I mean A LOT. My mom must have thought I was the horniest kid on earth. Sure, I spent time in there doing what boys do in bathrooms, but that usually didn’t take long. Thank God we get older. The majority of my time there was because I was role playing as Captain James T. Kirk. I wanted to be in space and command my own starship so I would sit at the helm (the toilet) and role play for hours on end. I sometimes wonder if I did that because I realized at such a young age that William Shatner’s acting belonged in the toilet. I’d sit there and push imaginary buttons in front of me. Other times I wouldn’t imagine being on the Enterprise, but a ship I named the Saturn Six. (Those of you familiar with the old series “Lost In Space” will realize I wasn’t very original).

I never wanted to be a policeman, or a fireman. I never wanted to be an army man. Those fantasy’s were too simple and dull for me. Looking back I am certain that I needed fantasy as much as I could. It’s the same reason I drank and drugged later in life. I needed to get out of my head. I needed my brain to shut up. Few things could do that, but at least my fantasy’s could take me away a bit. 30 years later I can now look back and realize it was my bipolar that was talking. Not knowing what was going on, I just assumed I was a weird boy and had to accept it. It wasn’t always easy.

  13 comments for “The Poopship Enterprise

  1. Brandi
    August 9, 2008 at 07:57

    Bradley,I have read a lot of your posts, and really have come to appreciate what you say, and your openness and honesty when writing. Having grown up with similar traits, I really feel that I can relate to you in many ways and your writing has proven to be somewhat therapeutic, pinpointing the fact that those like us are not alone. Because of your sincerity and will to share your life with us, I have selected you as one of 7 recipients of “Brilliante Weblog Premio 2008” Award. Please stop by my site, where you can read what I have had to say about you and your writing and to pick up your award. Thank you again, for sharing, Bradley! Please keep up the good work!

  2. Michelle
    August 5, 2008 at 16:59

    Had a brother that i loved dearly who use to like to cavort. The Santa Barbara police liked to hang him by his wrist with handcuffs to a pipe over his head in the cell and there he’d hang. He finally moved.

  3. August 1, 2008 at 08:14

    LMAO…the washcloth and string loincloth bit is hysterical. What must your mom have been thinking when you rushed those items outside to the woods with you?…haha

  4. August 1, 2008 at 01:31

    Sounds like a Gary Paulson book?Think kids today are any better off getting help with any of this? Don’t have teenagers yet…but?

  5. July 31, 2008 at 22:16

    Excellent post!There’s something about being naked that makes you want to run through the trees…I don’t know what it is. I wouldn’t say I was weird kid, but I’ve always had a warped sense of humor.I was always either Zoro or Batman. My younger brother, being the villain (not by his choice), always met an extremely creative, but often painful, death.

  6. July 31, 2008 at 14:48

    @ck thank you for the compliment. Apparently studies show those with mood disorders are more creative than the average Joe. No surprise. Look at [email protected] bear LOL. Poor Shatner. If he wasn’t so handsome in the ’60’s he’d have been selling [email protected] Sometimes it scary to look back and see it all from a new perspective. Kinda like when I was in the middle of my alcoholism. @Alan Thank you. Now I know for sure that was the book. I forgot about the falcon.

  7. July 31, 2008 at 01:47

    My side of the Mountain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Side_of_the_MountainI liked that book too, but I never liked Star Trek, it scared me too much when I was little.

  8. July 30, 2008 at 19:19

    Huh, really interesting post. It’s neat how you can look back and see the examples of your disease in your past….Awesome.

  9. July 30, 2008 at 17:43

    You know I did strange things as a child too, and I am unipolarly depressed with anxiety/panic disorder. My mom is bipolar though. Thank you for sharing this. I must admit though William Shatner’s acting does belong in the toilet 😉

  10. July 30, 2008 at 17:01

    You’re a creative soul, Bradley. That’s a pretty powerful tool to have. I was a bit like that too as a kid – used imagination a lot. It makes me wonder which came first – the weird, creative side or the just plain nuts side. Maybe they go hand in hand sometimes.

  11. Shiv
    July 30, 2008 at 08:49

    Yay for weird kids!When I was a kid I wanted to be an ecological terrorist, blowing up all the factories on earth.Go figure.

  12. July 30, 2008 at 13:22

    @Shiv I love it! Nothing is more fun than blowing up things, especially for a good [email protected] That’s the book. Thank you very much. I’m going to have to go to the library now and read it again for nostalgia sake.

  13. July 30, 2008 at 12:50

    I think the book you liked might be My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George… because I was a fan too…

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