I don’t think I have to mention it, but I will. Depression, depression, depression. This time is situational and not likely to be because of the chemicals swirling around in my brain. The election was just more than I could handle. I thought it would pass, but it still hangs as heavy on my heart as much today as it did Tuesday night. It’s become more obvious that our racist, sexist, narcissistic future President plans to do as little work as possible and the people he’s surrounded himself with are just as frightening. After all, our future Vice President is an advocate for gay conversion therapy. A practice that is banned in five states. I’m trying not to get too much into politics here, but I can’t ignore it since it’s had such an impact on my mood.
I posted the other day that Maurice and I are considering leaving the country, and I had some nasty things to say about the US of A, but I’ve calmed down a bit. We’re still seriously considering moving, but I do still love my country. Like anywhere, it has its faults, but it is my home. I guess democracy in action entails risk, and with risk comes men like Donald Trump. I’m just still in shock that he won. I’ll never understand it ‘til my dying day. I guess as much as I believe in my country, and how it works, that I have lost faith in its people – or at least a large enough percentage of them that it matters.
My therapist gave me a great idea regarding the panic attacks I’ve been having. My pdoc is wary of prescribing anti-anxiety meds because they are addicting and I’m an alcoholic. Hell, he never wants to adjust my meds no matter what’s going on. When I see him this week, I’m going to ask for a prescription for 5 or so pills. Just something I can take when I feel an attack coming on. I think he’ll probably go for it. If he doesn’t, I’ll have to take Maurice to the next meeting. He listens much more to Maurice than me.
Weight and Fitness
Weight on Nov. 05: 256.6 lbs.
Weight on Nov, 12: 259.6 lbs.
Total gain: 3.0 lbs.
I was depressed and upset and I tried to eat away my feelings. I also didn’t get much exercise. I didn’t have the energy. The one positive is that Maurice and I had a very gluttonous night before weigh-in, so I’m hoping much of the weight I gained was bloating and sodium. Keeping my fingers crossed until next week.
Maurice and I have been trying to spend time together by walking during the evenings, which is the only time he can exercise. Unfortunately, being a morning person, that’s going to have to change because it’s too easy for me to get lazy after a hard day. When I lost a lot of weight it was when I was going to the beach and walking 6 – 10 miles every morning. We talked it over and that’s what I’ll be doing again. Unfortunately, I gained half the weight back that I lost, but that’s because I didn’t change my eating habits as much as I should. That’s going to change too. I need to keep in mind that I need both a healthy diet AND exercise together to get the weight down and keep it down.
I spent the week housesitting for a friend. I had a nice environment and office to work in and was looking forward to getting a lot of writing in. I got zip, zilch, zero done. The depression was to strong and I was too obsessive over the election results.
A nightmare election, a three pound weight gain, and no writing done. For the second week in a row the grade is a solid E.