That’s how I feel. I’ve had this depression that I’ve been unable to shake off for weeks. I believed it was because of Trump winning the election, but now I know that was only the catalyst.
The reason I feel trapped, as most of you know, I want to leave the country. Actually, that’s not necessarily true. I feel trapped because I’m unable to leave the country. Family and financial obligations are choking me.
Why have I not been writing more so that I could make a living off of it? I guess it’s because, while I have always had a desire to get away, I never expected the need to come so suddenly.
I thought today was going to be different. I thought I was going to rebound. I haven’t. Today is worse. Today is a struggle. Today I wallow in my own shit and I have no idea how to get out of it. Friends have made suggestions of what I can do, but I am either unable or unwilling to do anything about them. I’m just fucking miserable.
To my fellow bloggers, I’m sorry I haven’t stopped in to enjoy your posts. I’ve tried. I’ve tried very hard, but am unable to read anything more than a few sentences. Reading other blogs normally brings me joy (even the dark ones), but now they are part of what makes me fee so trapped.
About the only thing I can do right now is read Facebook, because the words and comments are short that I can make it through most of them. Sadly, Facebook is probably the last place I should be right now. I don’t need all that negativity.
Thank you for allowing me to focus on self pity and to just dump what I’m feeling. It’s not something I do very often, but I needed to do it today.
Here’s to my hope that tomorrow is a better day.