So, last week I was kind of a downer. I’ve been a bit on the downside for a few weeks now, I’d say. I see my pdoc in a couple of days and need to talk with him about that because we recently adjusted my meds because I was running too manic. I think we may have overdid it.
In one of my posts last week I made a list of regrets. I get irritated when someone tells me they have no regrets. I find it hard to swallow. Granted, being bipolar, bad behavior and poor decisions probably gives me more regrets than the average bear, but to say you have none….I ain’t buying it.
That being said, I’m feeling the opposite today. Instead of focusing on my regrets, I’m feeling more focused on the good things in my life, and despite how I feel sometimes, I have many.
Thank you Mom for your love. Both of us suffering from mental illness means we had some serious blow outs. Things really got ugly at times, but we also had some wonderful times as well. You were my best friend. Regardless of how we felt about each other at any given time, there’s one thing I don’t doubt at all – you loved me. I’ll always love you. I miss you.
So, I pulled myself out of college. I was offered an excellent scholarship to pursue my goal at that time, which was to be an elementary school teacher. I just decided it wasn’t time yet for me to go to college and I walked away. Despite my decision not to have a college degree, I had a good career in the hotel industry and it was a good fit for many years, but not anymore. Recently I finally had a calling. It’s the one I should have heard many years before, but I wasn’t listening. My calling is to be a minister. More specifically, I want to be a chaplain. Today I have gone back to school to get a Masters of Divinity degree. It’s probably going to take about 10 years but I’m very excited. I’m very grateful to finally know what I want to do and am working towards it. So far, it’s been fun.
I have a beautiful daughter. Though she lives 1500 miles away and therefore I don’t get to see her as often as she deserves, I’m thrilled over our relationship. I missed far too much of her childhood, but now, with her being a teenager, we have become closer. I was excited the last time I visited her that she told me we didn’t have to go find touristy things to do. She suggested we just hang out at places like coffee shops. That’s what we did and we had a great time. Good talks and lots of laughs. My baby has grown up and that’s AOK to me.
I’m grateful that I finally met my soul mate. Maurice is the man of my dreams. In fact, he’s more than I could ever imagine. It wasn’t long after we became a couple that my bipolar disorder decided to come out and throw my life into turmoil. He stayed with me during that time and the 3 years it took to find the right mix of meds to make me stable. I love you, Maurice. More than I will ever be able to say.
I have plenty more things I am grateful for. If I spend time to think about it, I’d probably find the list is endless. So, here’s the beginning of my list. I’m sure I’ll list more at a later date. In fact, I may continue the list tomorrow.