Bad Solutions

I have a list of things I could post today, but there’s one problem – depression. It hit me yesterday, but I didn’t realize it. You’d think by now I’d know the signs when it is about to rear it’s ugly head. We went to Maurice’s parents for Labor Day but I really wasn’t there. I like his parents and they treat me as family, so normally everything is good. Sunday, however, I chatted with his mom for a little while, but that was it. The rest of the time I kept my face buried in my laptap. Well, not the entire time. I did move away from my screen frequently to grab a bite to eat, and eat, and eat, and eat…

Cashew nuts, mints, sour balls, chocolate bars, breadsticks, chicken, potato au gratin, scones, milkshakes, and more. Though I didn’t realizd I was depressed, my body sure knew it. That’s why I kept eating. I wanted to fill that empty void in my gut that my body knew was there. That empty hole that makes me feel alone.

Today has been just as bad. Same problem (depression) and same solution (eat.)

So despite all the wonderful ideas floating in my brain to write about, I’m writing about hollow, lonely, depressed feelings and my very bad solution to them.

8 comments on Bad Solutions

  1. Bradley
    I am glad you wrote your truth
    It was an act of courage to write it.
    I would do anything for you if I could.
    I am sad my friend you are suffering

  2. Thank you, Jim. I just keep reminding myself that this always passes…eventually. Keeping that in my head helps a bit. Til then I’ll just keep on keeping on and stay away from the fridge the best I can.

    1. It really is tricky, especially frustrating that you can be in the middle of it and not realize what is wrong. “hugs” back at you, Raeyn.

  3. Catching it early definitely is the bright side of the story. I hope in the future I see it coming with even more clarity.

  4. That you are talking about it honesty is a healthy step. I have found that shame about my weird eating behaviors is the most toxic isolating thing I do to myself, even though I thought I was protecting myself by hiding.

    Thank you for being real. I hope the depression lifts soon.

    1. The depression is better, though i’m still a bit out of it. I had to force myself to go to class today

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