Saturday was our tenth wedding anniversary. Maurice had to work long hours and I parked my ass at Starbucks to get some writing done. I felt abnormal all day, but wasn’t quite sure what was wrong. Looking back now the answer is obvious. I think I knew, but refused to accept the light-headedness and shaking […]

Under Pressure


My anxiety has been out of control and getting worse every day. I’ve been weaning off one of my anti-anxiety meds and thought that may be the culprit, but Maurice and I got out the calendar and checked. Nope, this all started happening before I started reducing the meds. I think it’s just plain old […]

I Just Want to Stick Around for Awhile

weight loss

On Saturday I went to Weight Watchers for my weekly weigh-in. I weighed 263 lbs. Based on past posts, many of you understand how frustrated, angry and disheartened I felt when I looked at that scale. My Weight Loss and Gains Here’s a quick history of my weight loss journey, which you can see in […]

Just When I Think it’s Gone for Good

It came back. Every time I think it’s gone for good, it comes back. Nothing scares me more. Nothing makes me feel more vulnerable. Nothing makes me feel so out of control. Nothing makes me feel so alone. There’s nothing that I hate more than dissociation. It’s been about a year since I had my […]

Bipolar Disorder NOS

bipolar disorder nos

Bipolar Disorder NOS. What the hell does that mean? I know NOS stands for “Not Otherwise Specified.” But again, I ask, “What the hell does that mean?” My first introduction to NOS was when I was attending a support group in Long Beach. A couple of people had that diagnosis and they weren’t happy about […]


Breaking the Rules My regular readers know that I have a pretty firm rule that I do not discuss medications by name because I don’t want to discourage someone from taking a med that didn’t work for me, but might work for them. We are not all identical, biochemically speaking. For the 8 years I’ve […]

Time for Further Updates


Yesterday, I posted an article giving a couple of updates regarding what I’ve been up to during my hiatus. If you missed it, you can find it HERE. I ended the post by saying I would give more updates today and, as shocking as it may seem, here they are. Weight and Fitness Fitness has […]

What the Hell is Going on?

Well over a month ago I swore I was going to post an overall update soon. Well, it’s past soon, but here I finally am to tell what the hell is going on with me. Nervous About my Nervous System This is probably the most frustrating thing going on in my life right now. Here’s […]

The Tumor

The MRI above is a pic of the inside of my head. Contrary to popular belief, I do have a brain. But there’s other stuff there. There’s bone tissue, ligaments, muscle and more normal stuff. In addition to all that, there’s one thing that doesn’t belong. A brain tumor. See that kind of oval shape […]

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