Yesterday I shared that I hit a major bump in the road, to put it lightly. Mentally, I hit what may be the lowest point in my life. Hopelessness and despair had consumed me. I’m still dealing with depression during the day, but I am able to function, but my nights are a different story.
Into the Night
By the end of the day, after holding off the depression and anxiety, I am exhausted. With exhaustion my guard is let down and the bastards strike again. Last night I went into a horrible state of depression, despair, and hopelessness. At the same time, my anxiety level shot through the roof, and it felt like something was squirming directly under my skin throughout my entire body.
Poor Maurice, my husband, has to bear the brunt of this when he gets home from work. Every sort of stimulation sets me off. I can’t deal with noises, the TV, and when he wants to talk with me that is anything more complicated than, “That was nice weather today.” it gests too much, and I went to bed, shut the door, and lay there shaking a couple of times. As always, during the day I felt like this nightmare was over and then the evening proved me wrong.
I convinced myself during the day that I didn’t need to pursue an impatient care facility—last night I couldn’t wait to get one.
Mental Health Facility Update
My insurance said they would call by Wednesday with news regarding a facility I could go to. It’s Los Angeles, but they can’t find a place that accepts their “fantastic” insurance. It’s now Thursday and there’s been no news. Maurice is calling them today. Trying to work with them is more than I can handle.
I rarely pray, but right now I’m praying they have good news.
My Life is on Delay
I had to put a delay on my current novel. I had scheduled to release it in September. It’s the second in a series and I wanted it out at six months since the first one was released. “Experts” say this is the optimum time frame. But, I emailed my editor and told her there was no way I’m going to reach my deadline and was going to have to delay it. Fortunately, she was happy to comply.
I was scheduled two podcasts and a radio interview for when the new book goes out, fortunately they were all able to change the dates as well.
None of these sounds all that bad, but I’m struggling to let go that things aren’t going my way. It took a lot for me to push my release date to later in the year.