Huh? Wha? I don’t get it.

I have dual citizenship these days. Not only do I live in the state of California – I live in a state of confusion. Over a week ago my pdoc got the flu which led to pneumonia. During this time I ran out of several meds and made the mistake of waiting for her to come back to get my refills. Sure, I should have gone to the clinic and spoke with the doctor on duty, but I was stubborn and kept believing she’d be back in another day or two. Big mistake.

Fortunately, I’m not going into wild mood swings, but I am experiencing a lot of confusion and insecurity. I would be perfectly happy curling up in bed and hugging a pillow all day. I guess the good news is that I can keep myself from doing so these days. That wouldn’t have been possible before. The bad news is, this feeling sucks. I constantly feel like bugs are crawling up and down inside me (there’s a pleasant picture for you). I feel so insecure that I just want to hide from the world.

I’m back on my meds, but I have to go back on them slowly so it will probably take a week or so for them to kick in. In the meantime I’ll just have to deal with it and hopefully function okay in the process. Today, I’m not functioning all that well. Anything I set out to do, I get disoriented in the process.

For now, I’ll just have to hang on tight and wait this feeling out. It’s something I can do, but it makes it hard to get anything done in the interim. I’ll just have to hold on and do my best.

I lost the two pounds I gained and am back down to 283. This seems to be a magic number that my body seems to like. If I could just get below 280, I would feel like I made a major accomplishment. That’s going to take some motivation to move which is a little tougher than normal right now. I’ll just have to find the right attitude and perspective to look at it from and it should be easy to accomplish.

This upcoming Friday will offer another edition of Uncle Bradley’s Word’s of Wisdom. If you have a question on any subject, just leave a message in the comments section and I’ll get to you. If you prefer to ask anonymously then drop me an email.

Have you checked out the Mental Health Blogging Directory? Get a list of some of the best mental health bloggers our there by going here.

  7 comments for “Huh? Wha? I don’t get it.

  1. Wellness Writer
    October 28, 2008 at 07:12

    Dear Bradley,So sorry to hear about the medication. I used to have stages where I ran out and it was a terrible feeling. And then it always took awhile to get back on track.Hold on…this too will pass. And maybe you can stop weighing yourself for a few days until the medication kicks in. It might relieve some of the stress. Just a thought.Susan

  2. ZoriN
    October 28, 2008 at 06:41

    “I have dual citizenship these days. Not only do I live in the state of California – I live in a state of confusion.”Very nice.

  3. October 28, 2008 at 12:09

    Bradley,Thanks for the wonderful connection to the Mental Health Bloggers site!!! I had two or three of them, but the list was great. Sadly, I understand the meds thing too well. I came down with pneumonia and couldn’t keep anything down for a few days – suddenly found myself spiraling out of control and couldn’t figure out why, oh, yea… The MEDS… I hope the meds kick in quickly and you are safely back! ((((Bradley)))) (hugs).Wendy

  4. Dano MacNamarrah
    October 28, 2008 at 00:30

    Bradley~It is an awful feeling when you miss your meds. I have the flu myself and forgot to take my meds for, um, days.I’m happy to report that it actually occurred to me that the reason I felt so crappy was not just my cold, but missed meds. That’s a big step for me.I also ignored my instinct to carry on doing errands, and returned home to take the doses, rather than wait. It’s also a humbling reminder that I am ill and I need my meds.There are many sites out there that write about life without psych meds and I doff my hat. I just know that to keep my hallucinations, depression, anxiety and SI to a minimum, I need meds, good sleep, and sobriety.Hope this finds you a lot better than before.

  5. October 28, 2008 at 03:32

    Bradley ((hugs)))

  6. October 27, 2008 at 21:59

    Bradley, that feeling sure does suck. It’s great you can keep from just hiding in the bed all day, though. I hope the meds kick back in quickly for you.*sending hugs*

  7. October 27, 2008 at 21:03

    Oh, Bradley do I feel for you!! From what you describe, I know too many of those days and they are so tough. For me, I would hope that I could just sleep to ride it out because all I could do was ride it out and hang on. Hang in there just keep remembering that your medications just need to get up to blood levels, but that you are still okay even though you don’t feel like it. I’ve had that bug crawling feeling too…it really bugs me. LOL!! Stoopid joke!! Take care and hang on tight,CC

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