For Dad

When your ashes we’re scattered into the sea I remember the feeling of elation I had. It wasn’t because of you were dead, but because I knew the struggle was gone. The struggle to be good enough, the struggle to wish you to be the father I wanted you to be, the struggle to forgive. I wish I had you back in my life, but then I’d expect those things all over again.

I know where you came from. I know your background. I know you did the best you could. And that all made me sad for you as you denied yourself to feel the pain and hurt that was buried inside to allow yourself to work through it. I guess it’s a generational thing.

Although my words may sound otherwise, I miss you.

8 comments on For Dad

  1. Bradley, what a beautiful post. My partner died of cancer this time last year and we spread her ashes on the shore of Lake Superior. It was such a tender experience and I will never forget it. Thanks for your memories. Your honesty is appreciated. Peace!Annie

  2. The 10th marks 11 years since my father passed. I’ve never put my feelings into words, but your’s pretty much summed it all up.Thank you.

  3. This was beautiful because of how it was written and because it was honest from your heart. Thanks you. I hate dealing with Father’s Day and like you so many mixed emotions. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  4. As you well know…..Something about being a son that transcends so many things. The lack of time with your Dad, the scarcity of hearing how proud they are of you and how much they love you. But nonetheless, he is your Dad and from that first time you can remember him holding your hand, it was love. The smell of his after shave and scratch of his stubble. A love that really transcends life and death.Something about being a Dad that transcends both time and space. The first time seeing that face and feeling their warmth against you. The thoughts that go unspoken but are as strong as if they were shouted from the highest hill. Being fully cognizant that it is a love so deep and unconditional. Whether you realize it or not. God blesses us in so many ways. Being a son/daughter and parent are just two Bradley. You will always be that special boy your Dad looked upon and swelled with pride in days past. That is eternal…..

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