Wow. With a goal of posting twice a week, it appears I set myself up to fail. I’ve become so obsessed with finishing my novel that I have gotten so that I don’t allow myself any distractions, including blog writing. I watch very little TV, but I do watch The Walking Dead, which I saw one of the most recent episodes a few days ago. I enjoyed it, but my mind kept telling me to get back to my desk and get to work. Two days ago I put on Deadpool to watch while I had lunch. I love the movie, but once I finished my sandwich I could only focus on writing. I turned the movie off halfway through. I fear that all this will make me resent the book, but I don’t think that’s likely. I absolutely love to write. I’ll keep a tight watch on it and if I see my mood changes negatively towards the novel, but I don’t expect that to happen.
I did have this great idea to hide away and focus solely on my novel for a month. Maybe not finish it, but at least get close to the end. I did a lot of searching and crunched some numbers and some options I considered were to run off to Ecuador, or stay at a horse rescue farm near Sand Diego, that happens to be totally off the grid. We discussed how to keep my computer charged and they suggested they run their truck at night to charge it. Both of those plans fell through. I still may go away though. My brother and his wife were in LA recently and suggested I could go to their place to finish it up and it looks like that’s what I’ll be doing. They offered a couple of options for desk space and guaranteed all the privacy I need. I think it’s an excellent idea, especially given the other two options were expensive. Current plan is to go stay with them for the month of February. They live in Minnesota so it’s not likely I’ll want to go wandering around outside and distract myself from writing. I’ll have my ass in a nice warm chair.
Work, work, work
In my last post, I said I was going back to work after ten years of unemployment. I was very excited and had high hopes for the job. Something that requires structure, plus brings in a little extra money seemed like positive plans. I wish I could say it went smoothly. Let’s just say that, just like when I tried to go back to college, it has been much more difficult than I anticipated. I struggle with pretty severe memory issues, plus anxiety, of course, and they both feed off each other, Being anxious makes my memory worse, which makes me forgetful, which makes me anxious, which affects my memory, which…and so on. My fingers are crossed that we can come up with solutions that work positively for everyone involved.
Speaking of memory, or lack thereof, I’m going through a med change. This time. the hope is to eliminate one. I take Neurontin for two reasons. One is anti-seizure, since I have a history of them, and it’s also used for bipolar patients as an anti-anxiety med. I had a long discussion with my therapist regarding my meds and my concerns, and he informed me that Neurontin is infamous for having severe effects on memory. His suggestion was to talk with my neurologist to get his blessing to back off it (I take other meds that protect from seizures,) Once my neurologist gives the okay, then I can have my psychiatrist take me off of it.
I met with my neurologist this morning and his is going to gradually wean me off it over the next few months. He asked if I would like him to go ahead and write a prescription for a lower dose, or should I talk with my psychiatrist first. I said screw the psychiatrist and go ahead and call my prescription in. I see my pdoc on Friday and I’ll let him know what’s going on. This works out perfectly, because my pdoc is old, cantankerous and doesn’t like change. I would have had to get on my hands and knees and begged him to make a change. This way, I can let him know it’s a done and he can deal with it. The other BIG positive regarding getting off Neurontin is that it’s one of the weight gainers. I don’t expect miracles, but I’m hoping it makes it at least a little easier to shed a few pounds.
That’s all the news I have. I do enjoy blogging so much, that I hope to get over my novel writing obsession. I’d also like to get back to reading many of the other blogs that I used to enjoy. So, if you’re a blogger, and I was a regular reader, please don’t be offended if I haven’t been stopping by. It’s not you, it’s me.
9 comments on Memory Loss, Writing and More
I was wondering where you had got to and whether you were OK. Good to know you’re still out there working on your issues and your projects!
Yep, I’m still around. I’ve just been getting a little distracted.
Oh, that never happens to me. 😉
I shit you not, I was JUST thinking about you today. Glad you checked in with us, it is so nice to hear from you! Wishing you all the best my friend!
Makes me feel good that you were thinking of me. Guess my timing was pretty good
Always good to hear from you, Bradley!!
I promise I’ll try to pop in more often
I’m glad to see you back again, Bradley. I hope your plan to write at your brother’s place works out well so you can get closer to your goal of finishing your book. It was nice of your brother to give you that option.
It is very nice of both he and his wife. I’ll try and post more often, Journey. It’s good for me.