That’s how I feel. I’ve had this depression that I’ve been unable to shake off for weeks. I believed it was because of Trump winning the election, but now I know that was only the catalyst.

The reason I feel trapped, as most of you know, I want to leave the country. Actually, that’s not necessarily true. I feel trapped because I’m unable to leave the country. Family and financial obligations are choking me.

Why have I not been writing more so that I could make a living off of it? I guess it’s because, while I have always had a desire to get away, I never expected the need to come so suddenly.

I thought today was going to be different. I thought I was going to rebound. I haven’t. Today is worse. Today is a struggle. Today I wallow in my own shit and I have no idea how to get out of it. Friends have made suggestions of what I can do, but I am either unable or unwilling to do anything about them. I’m just fucking miserable.

To my fellow bloggers, I’m sorry I haven’t stopped in to enjoy your posts. I’ve tried. I’ve tried very hard, but am unable to read anything more than a few sentences. Reading other blogs normally brings me joy (even the dark ones), but now they are part of what makes me fee so trapped.

About the only thing I can do right now is read Facebook, because the words and comments are short that I can make it through most of them. Sadly, Facebook is probably the last place I should be right now. I don’t need all that negativity.

Thank you for allowing me to focus on self pity and to just dump what I’m feeling. It’s not something I do very often, but I needed to do it today.

Here’s to my hope that tomorrow is a better day.

36 comments on Trapped

  1. A lot of us are feeling the same. I’ve been able to work on my blogs, but not my novels. I have to scroll past half the things on FB. You are not alone. Keep on keeping on.

    1. Thank you, Janet. I’ve been struggling with the novel too. I have a friend who was a police detective who retired and is now a PI. His wife retired from the DA’s office. They reviewed my rough draft for me and gave good feedback, but also a lot of “That would never happen. Nope not that either, You should…and so on. It’s what I wanted, but not what I wanted at the same time. Sigh Changes should be slight, but have made me feel overwhelmed

      1. Better to have your friends say that than the reviewers once it’s published. I got stalled on my novel while working on the memoir. It’s being considered by a publisher and I should hear Any Day Now. Imagine what that does to my anxiety.

        1. Oh yeah, I’m very excited about their input. It’s the timing. At a time when typing a few words is difficult, to make great changes seems daunting.

          I’m anxious to see how it goes with the publisher. Keeping my fingers crossed.

  2. Hi Bradley. I am so sorry you’re so depressed. But it’s completely understandable and I believe many people feel the same way you do after this election. If it helps any, I’m very depressed and lacking in motivation too. I haven’t posted much lately either — just not inspired. I’m not sure it’s due to the election though — I think it’s a lot of things and that is probably one of them. Sending prayers and good wishes and many hugs.

    1. A friend brought up the other day that dems/liberals were disappointed and sad when Bush won, but you never saw the widespread depression that we’re seeing now that Trump won. It’s true. I think we’re all fearful right now.

      I’ll take all the prayers, good wishes and hugs that I can get. Right back at you!

      1. Thanks, Bradley. I agree, this election is way different than when Bush won. That was just disappointing; this is scary. So far though, it looks like he just doesn’t know what he’s doing and is in way over his head. Frankly, I’m more scared of the staff he’s choosing (and Pence) than I am of him. I know one thing: I will never be able to call him President Trump. That just makes me want to throw up in my mouth. Even Bush, I could call president. Trump, no way.

        1. I agree with you about Mr. President. I agree with you 100% regarding the people he’s bringing on board. I have no doubt that Trump will either step down or be impeached within the next four years. President Pence will be more terrifying, especially considering the dangerous crew that Trump has selected.

  3. Sorry you’re feeling so down. Maybe if you’re looking for something short and easy to read, ditch Facebook and look for some Dilbert or Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strips, or whatever you enjoy? You could spend an hour back-reading those and stuff like that always brings a smile to my face ๐Ÿ™‚ No negativity, no current affairs…

  4. Is it wrong to feel sorry for yourself? I don’t think so. At least, that’s what I tell myself. I was just feeling sorry for myself because I can’t seem to catch any decent sleep. Woe is me. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I think we all deserve a pity party now and then. We just have to work hard and not stay there. Or, actually, we need to chill out and not stay there. Let it ride.

  5. I’ve been wondering how you have been doing, as it has been awhile since you have posted anything and I admit I was a bit worried. I am sorry you are feeling the way you are. I can sympathize. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Be gentle with yourself. We love you. xoxo

    1. I did make it out and am at the library. I’m still struggling, but not feeling trapped within my own home.

    1. Thank you. Once I saw him I knew I had to buy it. Made me change the entire look of my blog. I’m quite happy with it.

  6. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling shitty. No need to apologize! I have been like this the last 2 months too but I’m holding on… It has always gotten better in the past. And there is always light at the end of the tunnel xoxo

  7. It’s hard to separate normal shifts in mood from this miasma of a government forming under our noses. Your depression may part of a cycle exacerbated by normal feelings of dread. Iโ€™m working on a post about a more political alternate that took over a Twitter account. He hasn’t been active in years and is a symptom of my response to Trump. My reaction is reality based even though the way I react is a symptom of my illness.

    Itโ€™s dialectic.

    I canโ€™t change the symptom but I can learn to understand its meaning and learn from it.

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