There is an author on Facebook, who shall remain nameless, who has a very large and loyal following. We met on Facebook, exchanged emails, and eventually met face to face. They seem like a very nice person, but their Facebook posts don’t reflect that. This person bitches, moans, and whines in nearly every post. Sometimes it’s about the world in general, but usually it’s about themselves and the injustices against them. Occasionally, this person will send me a message asking why they haven’t seen me in awhile. I tell them I’ve been busy but the real reason is I can’t deal with their negativity. I don’t know why anyone would read their posts regularly.
While I will continue the blog, I have decided to no longer post a link to it on Facebook. This will be my last one. My Facebook posts are more a reflection of who I am: Sometimes silly, sometimes outraged. Sometimes I’ll express my outrage over politics and sometimes I’ll post a funny meme or comment about the same issue. Sometimes I post funny meme’s or comments to make people laugh. Sometimes I get bitchy and vent. Like most people I am complex character
This blog has not been a reflection of all that is me.
My initial plan when I returned to this blog was to post my general day to day activities, how my writing is progressing, my health, my podcast, and so on. Instead, it has turned primarily into a dumping ground for many of the shitty things in my life. Maybe that’s what I need. I guess I need to get out what is bothering me and this is the place to do it. I’m fine with that, but I don’t want to come across as the always miserable, bitchy author I mentioned above.
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Yesterday I had the first of two MRIs. This one was of my brainstem. It’s the one I take each year to measure the growth of the benign tumor in the back of my head. Occasionally there is some growth, but my neurosurgeon is still hopeful that it will remain small enough to just leave it where it is. He says there’s a good chance I was simply born with it. I should get the results within a week.
My next MRI is in a couple of weeks. That one is of my neck and spine to see if they can figure out why fingers on each hand are number and are becoming increasingly more difficult to use. I believe I’ve said before my neurologist and neurosurgeon had some suspicions about some of the discs in my spine were collapsed together and squeezing my nerves. I was sent to physical therapy which was of no help, they decided the discs weren’t the issue and I should get on with my life. A second opinion agreed.
That was back when all the problem was in one hand. Now that I’m having the same problem in my other hand my primary care physician has the same concerns about my collapsed discs and had me do a CT scan. She believes the CT scan results confirmed her hypothesis which is why I’m getting another MRI which she’ll send to my neurosurgeon. My expectation is he’ll conclude it’s not my spine, will send me to useless physical therapy and I’ll be right back where I started. I hate to be negative about it, but it was just a few years ago that all this mess was going on with multiple doctor visits. I told the MRI specialist yesterday that I’ve probably had more MRIs than he has given. We’ll see.
Gastric Bypass Surgery and the Results
I still believe this was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. I met with my surgeon’s assistant and my nutritionist the other day and they were thrilled I’m right on target. I did express I was concerned it was starting to feel more like a diet than the surgery making me feel full. I was reassured that my stomach has not stretched out, but has merely relaxed itself and it’s normal. I am to continue to be sure to eat very slowly and chew a lot and that feeling of fullness will return. I had a small plate of all the usual on Thanksgiving day and couldn’t finish it, so I guess they’re right.
Other than the much smaller new jeans I bought the other day, all my clothes are baggy on me like a hobo. I’m approaching a major milestone soon so I’m not giving my weight just yet. You’ll have to wait and see. Hopefully real soon.
I’m not exercising as much, but I did walk a total of six miles to and from the hospital with ease yesterday. It wasn’t long ago that I couldn’t walk to the supermarket across the street without stopping at least four times along the way.
My Writing is Alright
My productivity still isn’t what it was but it gets better each day. I’m starting to feel pleased with how I’m doing. It’s helped that I quit beating myself up for not getting everything right in the first draft, which is damned silly. That’s what second drafts are for…and sometimes third, and fourth, and so on. Eventually I’ll reach that stage all writers do where I give up on feeling my novel must be total perfection (which it will never be in my mind) and release it.
Much of what’s holding me back is where I want the story to progress. The growth of my protagonist and the direction I’d like to see his life go. Feedback from my readers is they hope it goes a certain way. Their hope is not what I’ve planned. My initial view was to write what I want the way I feel it should be, but now I’m having second doubts. I’m not as concerned about disappointing them so much I’m questioning myself and wondering if they’re opinion will make a better story. Oh well, I’ll get the first draft done and I can ponder over that over time.
I’m thrilled my first novel has been released as an audiobook. Sales have been pretty good. I’ve hired the same narrator to do my second novel. We have an agreement with a completion date of February 19. Again, it then has to go to the distributor for approval before it’s available for retail. There’s no telling how long that takes these days.
My lack of interest in Gay Mystery Podcast is gone. I never lost interest in the interviews. I love them! It’s the business side that was getting to me. Scheduling, editing, marketing, etc. It’s the total package that takes some time and I not only lost my mojo, but felt it was taking too much time away from my writing. I’m back to having a good balance.
I mentioned I was concerned I typically have guests book around five months in advance and I was way behind that norm. Uncomfortably behind. Just yesterday, I sent a series of emails to authors, publicists and editors and every response I’ve gotten has been positive…excited even. One of the more well known authors, who I never expected to hear from, not only accepted but added he was thrilled to be asked because he’s a huge fan of the show. I can look at my stats and be happy with the number of listeners I have, but they are nameless, faceless numbers. It’s a great feeling to get feedback from flesh and blood.
Of course, I have an email address and a contact page on the podcast website, but I now have the ability for listeners to leave voice mails. I will try and get listeners more involved in the show.
Pandemic and Such
Despite being unable to visit family, Maurice and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner together. Because of lockdown, there were many large turkeys sitting in the coolers, but there were shortages of smaller ones. After several fails, Maurice found the last turkey breast at a deli. It was the perfect size for us and was delicious. He loves to experiment and is an excellent cook. We spent the rest of the day watching old movies.
Looks like Christmas will be the same. No friend or family get togethers. We did buy the largest tree we’ve had since we’ve been together. It’s only 6′ but that’s perfect for our apartment. We were a bit skeptical because it’s one of those trees you pull straight out of the box and within a couple of minutes it’s up and already decorated. Much to our delight the decorations are beautiful. We’ll likely start picking out our own ornaments here and there, but it’s just fine the way it is for now.
Just when things were looking better in California, covid-19 took a turn for the worst and we’re now back on strict lockdown. Our representatives and physicians seem more concerned but the lockdown isn’t quite as severe as it was in the past. It doesn’t help that several of our politicians who have been promoting the lockdowns, including our Governor, have been caught wining and dining at parties held in upscale restaurants. I like our Governor very much but am outraged by his hypocrisy.
The Last Bit About Uruguay For Awhile
Our political climate in the U.S. continues to get worse and downright dangerous. A republican legislature in Pennsylvania admitted if the papers demanding the election results be overturned came across her desk that she would sign it despite her beliefs. She said she feared for her house being bombed. Things will eventually turn around but I think it’s going to be awhile. I have no doubt there will be bloodshed in the process.
My frustration has grown worse and my desire to move to Uruguay is stronger than ever. Without a push from me, Maurice has pretty much agreed its time to move on. The reason this will be the last I’ll speak of it for awhile is we can’t go. Financially we could do it, but it would be a struggle. The bigger reason is Uruguay has statistically had one of the lowest covid rates in the world They are next door to Argentina and Brazil where the outbreaks have been devastating but Uruguay is very strict about who crosses their borders and the little country is doing well. So, regardless of our finances, it’s going to be awhile before we’re able to visit the country, much less move there.
The posts are never as long as I think they are, but please forgive me if this was too much. I’ve got a lot to do today so it’s time to move on to other things.
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