I’ve had points in my life where I’ve incredibly passionate about one thing or another. I could make a happy list, and it may do some good, but I can’t get passionate about that. It’s affecting the two prominent activities these days: Being a novelist and a podcaster.
A Writer Who Can’t Write
Well, that’s not entirely true. I have been writing at least a little each day but it takes tremendous effort and I can’t do it for long. I love being a writer. There’s the ego part of holding a book in my hand that I have written. More importantly, I love the entertainment it gives others.
Writing is not for the faint at heart. It’s hard, frustrating, depressing, and takes a huge amount of time to provide people with a book they can read in one or two days.
The biggest reason I love to write is for the sake of writing. While it’s a practice of which much can be learned, it’s such a difficult task that one has to be truly passionate about writing to overcome the obstacles. It just feels damn good to be a writer.
The Struggles of Being a Podcaster
I’ve lost virtually every desire to have anything to do with podcasting except for the interviews. I love that 30 – 60 minutes of conversation with other writers. Many have become friends and mentors. The interviews are great, but it’s everything else I have to struggle with that is so damn hard. Editing is one of them. As I was learning how to edit I enjoyed it. Now that I’ve learned the techniques, I no longer find it interesting. Taking a lengthy conversation and whittle it down to around 30 minutes hurts sometimes. I’ve had to take out some wonderful stories because the guest and I talked so long.
In addition to whittling the show down to size, I have to edit outside noises, sneezes, sniffles, add intros and outros. It usually takes at least one full evening.
Researching before each episodes takes a lot of time and effort. Guests provide me topics that can be used for discussion, but I must find more. I don’t want the conversation to sound stale and rehearsed. It’s why I don’t share the questions with my guests in advance. It used to be easy. Now it is not.
Booking guests has become a difficult one for me. Originally I had an online calendar a guest could use to book themselves, but I decided to be more picky. I search for writer’s via Amazon, Facebook, listeners suggestions, and suggestions from other guests. There have been some people I’ve had to turn away because they weren’t a good fit.
In the past I’ve normally had my guests booked at least 5 months in advanced. It’s not hard to find people who want to talk about their craft, and themselves. That 5 months has now dwindled down to 6 weeks and that makes me nervous. I have a long list of potential guests to contact but I struggle to do it.
What’s Going On?
I really wish I knew what was going on but I don’t. Neither writing or podcasting are thing I hate to do. They require work, but have always been worth it. I haven’t grown a dislike of either one, but I’ve lost the passion to do it.
Normally this lack of interest in things is a good sign of depression or even being suicidal. I’m definitely not suicidal and I don’t feel depressed either. It’d be great if I could pinpoint those causes, but I can’t. I’m in this state of the great unknown. Not knowing what’s causing it makes it hard to overcome it. There’s a great book that came out years about titled Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. It’s helped me to get through some tough times and I highly recommend it to everyone. It helped before, but the tools learned from it aren’t helping these days.
I’m sure I sound sad and whiney, but I don’t mean to. I need a place to vent my frustration over my current lack of interest in things. I will continue to release a new episode each week. I will get a new novel out before or at the time I released one last year. I’ll push through all this somehow.
I guess the best way to express what I’m going through is sheer boredom. Everything bores me. I’ll get my mojo back and I hope its soon. This isn’t fun.
I’m still doing well here. I haven’t been exercising as much as I should, but I’ve been eating right and therefore haven’t gained anything. My loss had platued for ahile but now I’m losing again. I’m very close to a major milestone that will have me shouting from the rooftops, but I’m not sharing with it now. I want to hold off saying anything until I reach that point.
I’ll wrap thing up with an update on my audiobook(s) My first novel on audio hasn’t been released yet, but I’ve gone ahead and contracted with the narrator to do the 2nd novel. The audiobook distributor has noted my book has been reviews and approved and is heading to retail. I can’t remember how long it’s been since they told me that, but it’s been awhile. I’m trying to be patient.
I’m a tiny bit concerned people won’t like the voice I’m using. My novels are written from first point of view so all the words are from the protagonist. My concern is people won’t like the voice I’ve chosen. In fact, based on comments I’ve read, many will be surprised. I stuck with the guy anyway. It may not be the voice they expected but it is the one I do. That’s what’s most important.
I’m going to move on with the rest of my day. I hope I didn’t come across as too gloomy. I think because I use this blog to air my frustrations that it makes it sound like I’m walking around with a dark cloud over my head at all times. That’s not true. Yes, things are difficult for me now but I’ll deal with them. History has taught me to ride them out and then get back to my routine. It’s not a struggle at all times.
I hope you enjoy what’s left of the week. I may post tomorrow, but it probably won’t be ’til Monday or Tuesday. Hopefully I’ll be able to share my good news then.