Feeling Level

Woodworking leveler

I haven’t posted much this week and this is why people think I’m in a deep hole all the time. When I’m not feeling well, I tend to come here to dump. When I’m doing well, I’m busy doing other things. This week I’ve been feeling level. Well, for the most part.

The General Mood of Things

Overall, my feeling has been good. I’ve not been struggling with depression which is a blessing, and I haven’t been dealing with hypomania. As a general rule, I’m able to get most things done.

Next week I have three appointments. My primary care physician, my dermatologist, and to have some blood drawn for some tests. These are all on three separate days. The fact that this doesn’t have me freaking out says a lot. I’m calm and cool about it.

I’m light skinned and when I was younger I never wore sunscreen. This resulted in many days after the beach where I could barely move. As a result, I have skin cancer issues. My dermatologist appointment is to have some basil cell carcinoma removed from my leg. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s really no big deal. It’s not life threatening, but if it’s ignored and allowed to spread it can cause some disfigurement if untreated. It’s pretty small, but still needs to go. I had one on my face a few years ago and you can’t even see where it was.

So, I’m happy to say I’m in good spirits, but I am still easily distracted. The inability to focus hasn’t gone away which has really affected my writing. I don’t know where it’s coming from. Maybe it’s being cooped up because of covid. Maybe it’s the tension in the aftermath of the election. I don’t know, but I can’t get my brain to stop spinning like a top.

The Hands Issue

The problem with my hands is getting worse. Their tingling more and I get on again, off again, pain. The pain is especially bad in the middle of the night. It’s best to keep my arm stretched out, which lessons the pain, but during our sleep most of us curl up our arms and bend our elbows.

Right now, I had a CTScan done, which I’ll be getting the results from those next week. A week or two after that I’ll see my neurologist, but I don’t think he’ll find anything this time, since he hasn’t helped me out before. I’d try another neurologist but he’s a really a good guy and has no issue referring me to my neurosurgeon who’s considered one of the best in the area.

Speaking of my neurosurgeon, he asks me to come back every year so he can check an MRI. I called his office yesterday and was told they can’t make an appointment because I haven’t had an MRI. I told the woman that they should schedule the MRI because he’s the one who wants me to come back. She was very nice, but in so many words she told me it doesn’t work that way. She said his notes say I should only come back as needed if I encounter any problems. That doesn’t make sense since the tumor is dangerously close to tons of nerves and if it grows he said he wants to catch it before it starts pressing on them. (sigh) Anyway, she said she’ll talk with him further and give me a call on Monday. In the meantime, she said I’ll likely have to wait until I see my neurosurgeon and get an MRI from him if he feels it’s necessary. (sigh)

So much red tape and jumping through hoops.

In the meantime, the numbness and pain isn’t helping with typing much. They become tired and sore quickly. I have to take numerous breaks while writing this blog.

The Aftermath of Gastric Bypass

I’ve been at a plateau for while now. I lost 64 pounds since surgery, and 92 pounds overall. This sounds wonderful, and it is, but I’ve been stuck at this point for quite awhile. I’ve been repeatedly told this is normal and it I’ll start dropping again, but to expect more plateaus along the way.

I’m concerned about my eating though. I used to eat very little before I got full. Now that’s not so true. Lately, I’ve been hungry all morning and then have no desire to eat in the afternoon or evening. The regular hunger throughout the morning could be because I’m eating too fast and not allowing my stomach to get full. This is normal, and what I’m told could happen, except I feel like I am eating slow. I guess I’ll try harder.

I meet my surgeon’s assistant in a couple of weeks. Maybe she’ll know what it’s all about. Fortunately, I haven’t gained and all my clothes keep falling off of me. Maurice and I walked down to CVS last night and I came very close to having some embarrassing moments. I was able to catch my pants before they fell, but I couldn’t get my belt tight enough to keep them up. I think I’ll buy some suspenders. That will probably be my safest bet until I get knew clothes.

What am I Reading?

The unfortunate answer to that is nothing. I keep trying. You know when you keep reading the same page over and over again because someone keeps interrupting you? That’s been my problem except it’s been my brain that’s interrupting me.

Considering I’m an author and have a podcast where I interview other authors, this seems like a ridiculous problem. I bought a slew of the classic gay mystery novels and I’m dying to get through more of them. This will pass. I’m just being impatient. I really miss reading.

For now, if I’m not surfing the web, I’m watching Fear the Walking Dead. Sure, there are many other things that I could watch that are considered “better” but like the premise of these shows or not, they really are well done.

Anyway, I was going to put off posting today, but because I feel better I feel it’s important to share when things are looking up as well as when they are looking down. Nobody wants to hear me whine all the time.

Have an outstanding weekend!

7 comments on Feeling Level

  1. I’m also happy to hear you’re feeling better. Reading a book? I feel so goddamn guilty for not reading, but life has too many other distractions. I’ll speak with you soon.


  2. I know quite a lot about basal cell. My mom was fair skinned and went to beach often and got sunburned. She has a fairly large case that required Mohrs surgery. She was constantly getting things removed all her life. Fortunately she was obsessive about checking so nothing progressed beyond early stages. I have similar complexion but had some sunburns but never really enough I guess. I get a checkup every six months and so far nothing has been found. Sadly, my father wasnt very cautious. After he left us, he traveled a lot skiing around the world. Eventually settled in Arizona where he played tennis constantly. Mom got a letter one day he had died from facial melanoma! So I am extremely careful and have kept my skin under scrutiny! Always sunscreen even though I am in northeast.

    Keep an eye out !

    1. Wow. Sorry about your father.

      Yeah, this will be the second time with the Morhrs surgery. I have had some spots of melanoma on my back which had to be removed. I used to see a dermatologist every 6 months, but they’re comfortable now with me going once a year.

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