The past couple of posts I’ve referred to Maurice as being an amazing man. Only six months after moving in together my mental health began to deteriorate very quickly. Though it was early in our relationship, he didn’t run for the hills. He stayed by my side and helped in more ways than I can mention.

When things started to get really bad and my insurance cancelled, my psychologist willingly gave me a reduced price on our therapy sessions. He grew concerned knowing that it was going to take more than therapy to solve my problems. We had little funds so he didn’t know who I could turn to. The first step would have been the L.A. County Department of Mental Health, but I had already tried that and was turned away. Finally after being taken to the hospital emergency room, the doctor on duty in the psych ward was able to get me an appointment with the Mental Health Department.

At this point I was on permanent Social Security Disability, Medicare, and Medi-Cal (California’s version of Medicaid). There was no way I could even talk coherently to any of those departments so Maurice handled all the arrangements. When the IRS tried to reach me for some back taxes I owed, Maurice took care of the matter and they determined the small amount of money I was receiving would make it impossible for them to collect anything from me.

Who paid all bills – Maurice
Who took care of the IRS – Maurice
Who got me placed on disability – Maurice
Who got me on Medicare – Maurice
Who got me on Medi-Cal – Maurice
Who would hold me when vertigo hit and the room wouldn’t stop spinning – Maurice
Who would hold on to me as I became terrified of touching anything in the apartment because I believed it wasn’t really there – Maurice
Who would pick up my medications and would ensure I took the right ones at the right time – Maurice

I had become completely dependent on him and needed to be. Even though I was finally connected with the Mental Health Department, with a doctor I loved, it’s a long process to diagnose and find the correct set of medications that would work for each individual. My original diagnosis of depression was changed to bipolar disorder which made the drug search even murkier. Each drug works differently for different people. One drug that has helped treat thousands of people made me crazy violent. In fact I attacked Maurice. He didn’t pack his things. He didn’t leave. He continued to stand by and love me.

At this point my eyes turned from blue to grey, I couldn’t carry on a conversation without becoming confused, and I’d spend days with the blinds shut, I wouldn’t shower and wouldn’t go outside. I coldn’t even go to the mailbox. My drivers license had to be revoked due to the seizures and my inability to concentrate. I was taking the bus to get to an appointment one day and had a transfer. When I got off the first bus I wasn’t sure where to catch my connecting bus. I began walking, became completely confused and was lost. Terrified I called Maurice who dropped everything he was doing at work and came out to find me. At that point Maurice and my pdoc (slang for psychiatrist) agreed that the bus was off limits to me. Fortunately good friends of mine were available to take me to my doctors appointments.

Another frustrating and scary incident occurred at a movie theater. Maurice and I went to see the Bourne Ultimatum. With all the action it was not a good choice for me. I became disoriented and needed a break so I told Maurice I had to go to the mens room. When I came out of the restroom I was lost. I had no idea which theater we were in. I paced around the halls looking at the different signs hoping I could remember where to go. I was lost. I sat on a bench and I cried. I felt hopeless. Eventually I did figure it out and watched the rest of the movie. It was pretty good. Beside all this going on in my life, Maurice continued to stand by me.

I could go on and eventually will. In fact, much more of the story has already been told in previous posts. While this tale may seem like it has been mostly about me, that is not the case. It really is about Maurice. When Maurice and I first became a couple he had no idea what a mess I was…err, am. He had no idea how troubled my life would become. He didn’t know what he was getting in to. Yet, when my life started falling apart he continued to love me.

Despite everything we’d been through together he stood by me. The amazing part is what occurred on June 16, 2007. That was the day that Maurice and I were married. He knew what he was getting into. He knew what a mess my life had become. He knew how difficult it was to be a caretaker, yet, that was the day he showed me what unconditional love is. And that is what Makes Maurice the amazing man he is.

2 comments on Maurice

  1. i can attest to your eyes changing color. when you finally started feeling better – i’d only known you when you were deep down there – the first thing I noticed about you was that all of a sudden you’re eyes were this intense blue. i thought you were wearing color contacts. seriously, you’re eyes look like they’re a different color when you’re stable. i’m so glad you are feeling better. and so very glad you and Maurice found one another.

    1. Thank you Lora. It always makes me happy when people notice the transformation that I’ve gone through.

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