A week ago I was pretty upset. I had planned to up the number of classes this Fall semester and become a full time student. My pdoc thought otherwise. He told me I should only take 1 class and I fought him on it. Later, based on my respect for him, and on feedback from friends and family, I decided he was right and cancelled 3 of the 4 classes I registered. It was a humbling experience.
Today I am more humbled because I now know, without a doubt, he was right. Yesterday, in my communications class I did my final speech and today we have our final exam. So far in this class I’ve made an “A” on every speech and a “B” on every test. Not too shabby for a guy who hasn’t been in school for 30 years. So, what’s the problem you ask? I’m a complete basket case.
I’m fretting about my speech yesterday, even though I briefly saw the comments he wrote down and all the ones I saw were positive. Thinking about todays exam is making my brain spin out of control and is making it next to impossible to study. I’ve found that the best studying I do is at coffee shops so yesterday I tried to study at Starbucks for awhile. I sat there looking at my notes and none of it looked familiar. I tried to do a self test with flash cards and I wasn’t able to answer a single question correctly. I just stared blankly at each card.
I realize that the week of final exams nearly everyone gets nervous, but I’m way beyond that. This 1 single exam is affecting everything I do. I want to just curl into a ball and pull the sheets over my head until tonight. I can’t imagine what it would be like to take 4 classes and have 4 exams in a week. I would not be able to handle it. I finally realize that it’s going to take longer to get back on track. I don’t like it, but I accept it. It’s just the way it is.
Wish me luck.