Peaceful Easy Feeling

Last week I mentioned that due to a series of panic attacks I did not get an essay turned in, so I did the math and determined that the best final grade I was capable of was a “C”.  I discussed this with my professor and he encouraged me to drop the class and take it again in the spring.  His reasoning was that based on my writing I am an “A” student and therefore he did not want me striving to attain a “C”.  Being very flattered I trotted over to my computer and dropped the class.  So it turns out that my decision may not have been such a great idea.  I’m already on Academic Probation.

I knew I was on probation.  In fact, I knew I was on probation not because I had bad grades, but was specifically due to having withdrawn from too many classes.  It didn’t even dawn on me at that particular moment.  It didn’t dawn on me until the next day that I may have royally screwed up.

On Friday I met with my school counselor to discuss the matter.  I was right – I royally screwed up.  It’s very possible that I may be dismissed due to Academic Progress.  The funny thing is that dismissal does not necessarily mean I’ll be dismissed.  Yeah, it confuses me too.  Apparently dismissal can mean that the Powers That Be will allow me to sit with my counselor and draw up a contract detailing the steps I will take to get out of dismissal.  So, being dismissed means that I have to take steps to not be dismissed.  How that differs from being on probation, I don’t know, but at least it’s possible that I may still be able to take classes despite the fact that I have been dismissed. ( My head hurts )

The other possibility is that I will be dismissed.  I mean really dismissed.  Being told I can’t take classes kinda dismissed.  This, obviously, is not the better option.  Fortunately it’s not as bad as it sounds.  If The Powers That Be determine that is my fate it doesn’t mean I can never return – it means I cannot return for two semesters.  After that I can petition to return.  Just two semesters?  Hell, that’s easy.  Disappointing, but no big whoop,

What’s the point lf all this?  The point is how well I handled it all from start to finish.  My discussion with my professor was relaxed and productive.  My discussion with my counselor was relaxed and productive.  I never freaked out.  In the not so distant past I would have completely lost it when I didn’t get my essay turned in.  I would have hyperventilated and never went back to have the discussion with my professor.  I would have stopped showing up and my grade would have automatically rolled over and became an “F”.  I would have gone home, curled up in a ball and had a pity party  I had some highs and some lows, but overall I had a peaceful easy feeling.  I’m grateful for the week I had.







11 comments on Peaceful Easy Feeling

    1. It wasn’t an easy week but I feel my reactions to things were perfect. I going to hang on to this as long as I can.

  1. Doesn’t the Americans With Disabilities act mean that they need to accommodate your illness? And isn’t all this dropping a direct result of your illness? I don’t think they are behaving properly. Do any of your other readers know who you talk to about this kind of thing? I’m not talking about lawyer-ing up, but there has to be someone on campus their charged with being sure that people with disabilities are accommodated. You can’t be the first bipolar person to go through this, and if they flush every one of them who struggles then they have a serious problem. I have a friend who teaches at El Camino. I’ll ask her what office on her campus would see to such things. Hang in there Brad. And good on you for the new equanimity.

    1. Lora, everything I do at school is done through their Special Services department whose purpose is to ensure ADA guidelines are accommodated. My counselor is wonderful and we have a great relationship. Most of the withdrawals I did were before I had my pdocs okay to go back to school. I also had no idea there was such thing as a Special Services Department. I signed up for a.bunch of classes, bought a.bunch of books and never showed up; with no understanding there would be repercussions. This has all been noted on my file and I have a form for my doctor to fill out. As a result I feel pretty confident that I will not be dismissed. If I am dismissed, I only have to take a two semester break, which I’m comfortable with. I’ll just need to be sure to make my life structured to keep me from just sitting home being depressed all day.

  2. I am glad that you didn’t freak out about it. When I returned to school when I was 21, I had a cumulative GPA of 1.8. I think that is like a D+. Like you are going to have to do, I had to petition the Dean of Students to let me return. I had not dropped out the “wise” way by withdrawing from my classes, I just quit going. I did not know that I had Bipolar disorder at the time. Nor, did I know for the remaining 8 years it took me to finish. Looking back, it’s obvious.

    Everything will work out. Patience and perseverance; it’ll get you everywhere……

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