Because I had the downtime while switching web hosts, I didn’t do a Wrap-Up last week, but I’ll try to piece the days together the best I can with my not so great memory.
I commented two weeks ago, that my depression seemed to be waning. I was wrong. The total amount of time I stayed in a deep, dark hole was nearly three weeks. My foggy memory tells me it was the worst spell of depression I’ve had since being diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago. If it wasn’t the worst, it must have been damn near close.
Last Tuesday is when it finally lifted. By Wednesday I was feeling good and by Thursday I was feeling well balanced. I am excited to say that during my depressive period, not once did I have any thoughts of suicide. No ideation. The last time it was this bad I was hospitalized. I am feeling grateful.
During this low period, I was unable to focus enough to write, but I did become obsessed with finding another country I’d like for us to move to. I’ve spent hours researching gay rights, the ease of migration, cost of living, and more. I scanned a lot of data, and watched numerous videos. The best part was messaging and chatting with expats around the world. Maurice and I have been invited to stay with several families we’ve never met before. When the time comes, we’ll probably stay at Airbnb’s, but the offers say a lot about the people and places I’ve considered.
It ridiculous the amount of time I’ve spent researching, considering it will be years before we can move. Family and financial obligations are going to keep us here for a while, but who knows, we just may do it. Lord knows I’ve had enough. No doubt I’m distraught over having a President who is a narcissistic, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic con, man who makes fun of people with disabilities. But what I’m more distraught over are the nearly 63 million American’s who think that’s okay. I have plenty more to say about Trump, but that will be for another day. Back to my point – I’ve given researching places to live more time than it deserves at this time in our lives.
Weight and Fitness
Weight on Dec. 10: 264.2.0 lbs.
Weight on Dec. 17: 262.6 lbs.
Total loss: 1.6 lbs.
When I got my weight down into the 250’s, I swore I’d never see the 260’s again. You can see I was wrong. It’s funny that I lost weight the week of Thanksgiving, but the two weeks after I gained 8 pounds. I looked back over how I did this year losing weight and I’ve lost less than a half a pound since April. Something has to change…and it will.
Not too long ago I lost 90 lbs and I took a good look at how that happened. Basically, yes I did cut back on eating, but the big factor is that I went to the beach every morning and walked 5 miles or more. I do need to cut back on eating, no doubt, but the walking is what made the big difference. Lately, when I go, I’ve gone a good distance walking the surf, which is more difficult than walking the strand. I think I’ll continue to do that as best as I can, hoping to increase a little each week.
My goal for next week’s Wrap-Up is to post that I walked along the beach a minimum of 4 times.
Not much, but better. I did have one major setback, or a positive, depending how you look at it. As I posted a couple of weeks ago, I am friends with a couple where the wife is retired from the DA’s office, and the husband is a retired police detective, who is currently working as a private detective. They gladly agreed to look over my very rough draft and critique for me. Not analyzing the writing or the storyline, but critiquing the legal aspects. We know that detectives in books, movies and TV break the laws all the time, and my book will be no different, but I wanted them to let me know if I’m way off base. The feedback was great, yet one difficult part is I need to add one more character to the story – an attorney that had a small role, must now have a larger role. This is requiring me to make some serious changes, especially in the beginning of the novel, which I considered pretty much done. With my depression, this paralyzed me. Like the stereotypical author with writer’s block, I stared at the computer screen for hours.
One day I had an epiphany and was so excited I practically jumped into my seat and began to write. My computer crashed. That’s okay, things like that happen right? In the 24 hours it took to fix it, I forgot everything. Yep, foolish me did not write anything down. I was right back at staring at the screen.
These past few days have been better. I did get my ass in my seat and started writing again, feeling as cocky as I had before. The changes I was “forced” to make, greatly improved the storyline and the result has been a far superior manuscript. I’ve got plenty more to change, but I’m having fun again.
My horrible depression dissipated and life has been good. My recent weight gains royally sucked, but I’m here to focus on this past week and last week I lost. I didn’t get much writing done, but I did get back on the horse and the results have been positive. I’m giving this past week a B-, and that’s not too shabby.
9 comments on Weekly Wrap-Up December 19, 2016
Happy that you got a B, Bradley! I know you can make this another great week!
It’s already feeling like a great week. Hope I didn’t just jinx it
No, no – no jinxes allowed!
Please send me good thoughts….I eat well during the day, and I still walk Lucy almost daily, which is great, but when night comes, it’s still binge city.
I got another self-help book about binges (that other one I told you about didn’t help!) says the night binges are due to anxiety (duh!) and the best way to deal with night binges is to write everything I’m stressed about in a journal. Well, I did that last night *and* I applied brand-new organic lavender oil to my pulse points to help relax me, and I still woke up, ate a tub of yogurt and a “natural” pop tart when I wasn’t hungry. Dammit! Binges suck.
I don’t want to end on that kind of note here. I’m REALLY hoping you’re having another B week (at least a B – heck, why not A! 😉 and I look forward to hearing the latest about you. I’ll be going to Tahoe Thursday where we won’t have internet @ the cabin for 10 days, but I’ll check in periodically….XoXoXo I love it there, & maybe the binges will subside being in that heavenly place.
I’ve never been to Tahoe. Would love to go sometime. Hope you find a way to work around the binges, my friend. How much protein do you get in your day?
You and Maurice must go! Kitt O’Malley got married there, that lucky gal! 😉 I’ll figure out something, somehow…..
I get plenty of protein, around 45 grams a day. I eat turkey, Wild Planet tuna, full-fat yogurt, & drink milk. I gave up red meat & I had to stop eating aged cheese because of my MAOI restrictions, which is no big deal…speaking of protein, despite writing about Dump & Pence just now, I’m hungry! (((hugs)))
Well that’s much improved, due to mood, and I’m so glad for you 🙂
I think it’s awesome your friends looked over your wip like that! I must say, today it’s hovering around 0 degrees, so I won’t be walking. I dread taking the dog out when the wind whips like this, so enjoy your beach for me today 😀
It was in the 40’s when I went out which can feel pretty cold with the winds coming off the ocean. I realize that’s nothing compared to what’s going on back east. Stay warm and stay safe.
Hi Bradley, I am so happy that so many positives have come from your depressive moments. I hope they continue .Take care
Thank you, Daisy. I’m so relieved that it’s passed