I still dealt with anxiety last week, but nothing compared to the one prior. I was able to enjoy the long Memorial Day weekend, and pretty much the rest of the week, with just a few panic like moments that I was able to deal with by breathing and meditation.
I am frustrated with my pdoc. I told him how bad my anxiety had been and his response was that “we all have our ups and downs.” I told him that he was right, but not “all of us” have anxiety so bad that we shake in fear and cannot even put toothpaste on a toothbrush. He responded by changing the subject.
In addition to my frustration over his blowing off my anxiety, I still can’t get an answer as to why he sees it necessary to see me every month. I’m usually high functioning and there are many, who I believe, are worse off than I who only sees their pdoc once every 90 days. He’s repeatedly told me how swamped they’ve gotten and the only logical reasoning I can think of is he keeps me at monthly because I’m easy to deal with. We chat for about 30 minutes (usually not about my mental health) and then he sends my prescriptions to my drug store via email. These are the same meds I’ve been taking for years now. Nothing has changed!
My pdoc is with the local county mental health clinic and some of you rightly suggested that I fill out one of the forms requesting a new doctor, but it’s not that easy. First, as much as he frustrates me, I’ve gotten to know him well and like him. I enjoy our chats and feel comfortable with him.
The other, more important reason is that he is one of the heads of the department. If I request a new doctor, they’ll likely assign me to one of the resident psychiatrists on staff, and guess who they report to? Yep, my podc. So the reality is nothing will change.
Weight and Fitness
On Saturday, May 28 I weighed 263.0 lbs.
On Saturday, June 04 I weighed 259.8
Total loss last week: 3.2 lbs.
I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but how the hell did that happen? Memorial day was last week and I ate more than my fair share of everything over that 3-day weekend. I didn’t do much better during the week and did NO, and I mean NO exercise. Whatever led to the loss, I’m ecstatic. What a great way to start the month.
I’m back at it. I have my scheduled time for writing and I’m moving forward once again. A small goal is just one chapter a week and that has been very doable. When I finished a chapter, I didn’t just sit on my hands – I went on to the next. My real goal has been 1,000 words a day, which I haven’t reached yet, but I’m close.
Details to come next week.
Pleased as punch