Last week’s depression subsided, but was followed with a week full of anxiety. At least twice I almost went to full blown meltdown. I staved off the anxiety attacks by centering and breathing. Not easy to do when your mind is racing, heart is racing and your body is shaking violently. I hated the feelings, of course, but it felt good to successfully use the tools I’ve learned. A sense of accomplishment. I also had a couple of moments of dissociation, which is normal for me during major anxiety, but I’m happy they were relatively mild as well.
I didn’t get the exercise in I had hoped for to help give me balance. I think it would have helped me deal with some of the anxiety even more.
Weight and Fitness
Weight on Sep 24: 261.6 lbs.
Weight on Oct 15: 264.0 lbs
Total gain: 2.4 lbs
After nearly a month, I finally got weighed and gained a couple of pounds. I’m not thrilled with that, but I fully expected it to be substantially more. My expectation was that my weight would be a minimum of 270 lbs. That’s the big win of the week.
On the dark side is my overall weight for this year. Since the end of April, I have gained 1 lb. My weight has been bouncing up and down with 260 being the average. Some people would call that a plateau, but that’s bullshit. At least in my circumstance. This was based entirely on my actions. Eating healthy one week and not the next. Week after week, month after month.
I gave serious thought to finally going ahead and having the gastro bypass surgery, however, as I said many times before, to have the surgery done there is a requirement to lose 10% of my weight. If I am able to successfully lose 26 lbs., I wouldn’t have the surger., I would keep losing instead. It’s quite the conundrum.
Maurice and I have recommitted to getting back to a healthier lifestyle and I seriously believe we will finally be working together for success. Getting the refrigerator filled again with healthy foods and snacks is one thing. The other is to encourage each other to exercise, and exercise together when possible.
This has been a big win this week. I‘m back at being productive. I even wrote what I consider to be a successful sex scene. It’s extremely mild. Probably a PG rating, but I’ve never written one before and I must say I consider it damn convincing.
When I first started the novel, I planned a hard boiled mystery with a tough as nails detective, but as I wrote I found I was writing a lot of humor. This happened organically and I let my mind go that way and have been pleased. During the depressive period, I really struggled to write “funny.” This week I’ve been back at it, Baby!
Depression lifted, but was replaced with anxiety, which I was able to manage. My weight increased, but not nearly to the degree I expected. I’m back at writing and ensuring I’m productive every day. Overall, not bad. I’ll give the week a C+
14 comments on Weekly Wrap-Up October 17, 2016
I’m so glad that you had a good week writing-wise (esp. w/ the sex scene!) and I hope this week is even better, Bradley! That’s great you were able to be proactive with the anxiety attacks. Hang in there with the fitness – I know you’ll get some of your beach walks in. 🙂
Maurice and I like to walk together when possible, and that means we don’t walk until after dinner and it’s dark then. We don’t go to the beach at night because it can get too cold. We walk around our neighborhood.
That all being said, I do hope I get to the beach during the day once or twice this week. We will be in the AIDS Walk next Sunday. With the slow crowds, we may not get much speed, but it is a 10k.
I’m glad your depression decreased the panic attacks suck I know, have you tried the Mandela Coloring?
My daughter bought me a coloring book and I’ve used it and find it relaxing. Right now it’s one of those things I don’t think about until after I need it, LOL. I’m impressed as I read through the blogosphere how it helps so many people. Thank you for reminding me to put it out where I’ll see it more often,
You’re welcome! I saw them yesterday at Wal-Mart they’ve so many varieties now! Hope this week is better!
I love the giant colouring books that Walmart sells. I become too restless to colour within narrow lines when I’m feeling anxious. Which one did your daughter get for you? Kudos to her! I’m happy to hear that your depression has lifted. But I often wonder which one is the bigger evil between depression and anxiety :p
I can’t tell you because I can’t find it.lol but it’s not one of the big ones. I have no idea where I put it. I think depression and anxiety are equally evil, it just depends on the severity.
I often wonder why depression lifts only to be replaced with anxiety. I’ve been working for decades on my anxiety issues and feel I’m more successful dealing with anxiety. Now, if I could conquer depression, wouldn’t that be lovely.
It is odd that it comes after depression. Logic would tell me that it would be in full gear during mania and would continue to exist after the mania subsides
Well done on the sex scene, Bradley! 🙂
Walking really helps and it makes you feel good (at least, that happens to me, nothing hurts after a good walk. It seems that everything goes back to where it should be, specially after spending a long time sitting down).
I walk around 5 miles a day and it does wonders. I’m about to head out the door now for a little walk
That’s great, Bradley! 🙂
I really admire you Bradley. We all have issues and you are so upfront and honest about yours. You are inspiring. Here is to a better weekend, my friend 🙂
Thank you for making my night, Daisy. One of the reasons I blog is to help others and I can only do that by being honest. Enjoy your weekend as well.