I haven’t been posting as much as I use to. I’m sure that pleases many of you. I am Bipolar II, which typically tends to lean more towards depression and the upswings into mania are not so severe. The past couple of weeks I’ve been dealing with the depressive side.
It wasn’t long ago that when I was depressed, I would completely shut down. I’d stay in bed mostly, have the blinds closed and wouldn’t care about was going on in the world. Nothing was getting done around the house and I didn’t even worry about my hygiene. Fortunately now I still get depressed but can usually work through it. The bad news is that when I get depressed I can usually work through it. That means I’m getting shit done but am still feeling depressed. Now, I have a choice and climbing back into that bed and pulling the covers over my head is damn tempting. In some ways it was easier when I didn’t have a choice and just shut down.
The one thing that is still very difficult to do is hygiene. I don’t know why, but most people I talk with that deal with depression say it’s the most difficult thing for them as well. Brushing teeth and taking a shower are the last things in the world I want to do. Yeah, yeah…ick. If I wasn’t married, I probably would skip both. When I was in deeper depression I did skip them and didn’t care. I don’t know what it is about turning on the water and stepping in that is so exhausting, but it’s the last thing I want to do when feeling down.
When I was going through my rapid cycling period (up and down from mania to depression quickly) I was able to write my posts very easily. I’d plop my ass down in this chair and pump out a post in no time full of my wit and wisdom. Being in a depressed state it ain’t so easy. I don’t know if it’s because I had more to say when I was cycling up and down, if it was just easier to post when I was manic more often, or what, but it’s damn harder to come up with a subject. My brain just doesn’t want to work that hard lately, which is disappointing because I love blogging.
Waaaaaaah. So this is my whiny post. I think we all need a whiny post now and again.