I went to an A.A. meeting this morning. I’ve been sober for over 4 years but this was my first meeting in a long, long, long time. Did I mention it’s been a long time? Too long. It’s no exaggeration to say that A.A. saved my life. If I hadn’t gotten sober I never would have had the spirit to get to a doctor to learn about my mental illness. But I’ve gotten busy, and kept putting the meetings off, and it didn’t help matters that I’d become agoraphobic, and downright crazy over the past couple of years. All of these are piss poor excuses, but I’m standing by them.
A friend has been bugging me to go (damn him), so today I went. 7am, no less. And as always I don’t know why but I feel better. Much better. You’d think being in a room with a bunch of drunks would be dangerous, but it’s the exact opposite. There is a spiritual feel. I can now hear the atheists and agnostics out there screaming in terror from that comment. I get the same thing from my Depression and Bipolar Support Groups. Almost identical. They support each other like opposite ends of a scale. I need my drunks as much as I need my nuts (stop thinking dirty).
I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I can’t sleep. Third night now that I’ve tossed and turned and turned and tossed and tossed and turned all night. It keeps Maurice up and then I have the nerve to bug him to get up for work in the morning. Talk about guilt. The worst part is I’m eating more. What the hell else am I going to do when I’m up for about 6 or more hours in the middle of the night.
Exercising better. I’m not running 5k marathons, but I’m walking about double what I was a month ago. This is progress. I have a doctors appointment next week and I’m anxious, and nervous to see what my weight is. You’ll know if I have gained because there will be a post that simply says ARRRGGGGHHHHHH. If I could sleep I know I’d lose. The sleep issue could be the new meds I’m on, but I’m giving them time to see if I adjust. If not, I’ll have to see if my pdoc will change them again. For the love of God, I hope not.