My Drunks and My Nuts

I went to an A.A. meeting this morning. I’ve been sober for over 4 years but this was my first meeting in a long, long, long time. Did I mention it’s been a long time? Too long. It’s no exaggeration to say that A.A. saved my life. If I hadn’t gotten sober I never would have had the spirit to get to a doctor to learn about my mental illness. But I’ve gotten busy, and kept putting the meetings off, and it didn’t help matters that I’d become agoraphobic, and downright crazy over the past couple of years. All of these are piss poor excuses, but I’m standing by them.

A friend has been bugging me to go (damn him), so today I went. 7am, no less. And as always I don’t know why but I feel better. Much better. You’d think being in a room with a bunch of drunks would be dangerous, but it’s the exact opposite. There is a spiritual feel. I can now hear the atheists and agnostics out there screaming in terror from that comment. I get the same thing from my Depression and Bipolar Support Groups. Almost identical. They support each other like opposite ends of a scale. I need my drunks as much as I need my nuts (stop thinking dirty).

I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I can’t sleep. Third night now that I’ve tossed and turned and turned and tossed and tossed and turned all night. It keeps Maurice up and then I have the nerve to bug him to get up for work in the morning. Talk about guilt. The worst part is I’m eating more. What the hell else am I going to do when I’m up for about 6 or more hours in the middle of the night.

Exercising better. I’m not running 5k marathons, but I’m walking about double what I was a month ago. This is progress. I have a doctors appointment next week and I’m anxious, and nervous to see what my weight is. You’ll know if I have gained because there will be a post that simply says ARRRGGGGHHHHHH. If I could sleep I know I’d lose. The sleep issue could be the new meds I’m on, but I’m giving them time to see if I adjust. If not, I’ll have to see if my pdoc will change them again. For the love of God, I hope not.

I’m finally getting sleepy so I guess I’ll take a bit of a nap. Goodnight.

8 comments on My Drunks and My Nuts

  1. hey, thanks for your post. i have schizoaffective and am really struggling today. its nice to read your blog and i hope you’ll take a look at mine : )

  2. Progress not perfection. In just the short amount of time I have been reading your blog, I can note progress. You are an inspiration.Keep on keeping on.

  3. Sleep well my man you’ve earned it! My the Angels take you and rock you on the water till your refreshed and can be renewed again…Sleep tight… my friend

  4. It’s the first time I read your blog today. I enjoyed. Sleepless nights are not fun. I have it because sometimes my brain doesn’t like to switch off. Do you cycle? I find it more fun than walking or running.

  5. I am a raging insomniac, so I can so relate to not being able to sleep. My doc has tried so many meds and nothing can keep me sleeping at night. I’m lucky if I can sleep till 4, so I feel for you. I am also a recovering addict, and I applaud you for being able to stay sober for so long. I’m still working on moving from ‘addict’ to ‘recovering addict’ and I’m having quite a bit of trouble with it. You have a great blog, I’ve bookmarked it and I’ll be back for more!I wish you all the best. Have a wonderful day!

  6. With regards to your exercise program, you have to walk before you can run. Keep walking!

  7. Bradley – I have missed my blog time with you this week. I’m so so so glad you made it to a meeting. I’m not sure if it was our common friend who never blogs any more or not who was after you to go – but either way – I’m so happy for you.Your walking sounds good too. It is time I got my butt up and back into the workout routine again. My fingers will be crossed for you for your appointment results this next week.*Hugs*Kim

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