Here in the U.S. it’s the Labor Day holiday. It has me pondering the fact that I haven’t labored ( had a job ) in 2 1/2 years. Sure, I’ve done chores around the house and been a pretty good house-husband for the most part, but it’s been odd not going to a job outside the home.
The last job I had, before my mental health forced me into disability, was managing a coffee shop. I had worked in an executive position with a fortune 500 company, but I decided not to go back to that. Man was that a mistake. Coffee shops are hard ass work trying to get young kids at minimum wage to make the perfect drink while some bitch complains that they didn’t put enough foam on her latte. Make sure you’re kind to your local barista.
I’ve written here about the fact that I’m scared about going back to work. The idea of returning to a day to day job seems more than I am capable of handling at this point. My pdoc has told me not to be concerned because I wont have to go back before I am ready, but I’m still feeling the pressure. One, I’m feeling isolated being home alone all day. Two, I feel guilty living off Social Security when I feel so many are more worthy. It’s hard for me to accept the fact, in this instance, that I have a disease that is no less than someone who has a serious physical ailment and am therefore just as worthy.
My fear of returning to work has me focused more on pursuing my own web design business. It’s what I was in the process of pursuing before all hell broke loose and seems a natural now. I wont have a direct boss looking down my shoulder and it will allow me to accept as many or as few projects as I can handle. Hopefully over the next year I can reach the point that I will be able to celebrate a true Labor
Day holiday in August.