Well, it’s the end of the week and I’ve had it in my head that it’s been a good week and was wondering what I could post about today. Then I realized something – I have totally ignored my food intake and my exercise this entire week. I don’t know what my weight is currently, but I can feel it. I’ve definitely gained. Maurice told me I looked sexy last night. Thanks, Hun, but I was feeling anything but sexy.
I was pondering why, after several years, I’ve fallen back into my old routine. Have I really felt all that good this week? I know I haven’t been manic, but what about depression? I live with depression 24 hours a day so it’s hard as hell to tell if it’s better or worse, unless the change is extreme. I don’t recall there being any spikes making the depression higher than normal. If I overanalyze it then I’ll convince myself I have been depressed. That’s why I like to do a check in on my moods each day, rather than just the previous week.
I think it’s mostly been anxiety. I’d been anxious over the sermon, but I did that this past Sunday. Well, that should pass, but it didn’t. I’ve had a lot of anxiety since then over how I did. I think I did well. Maurice taped it all for me, but I haven’t gotten around to looking at it yet. In addition, for my speech class, I had a speech and a test this week. Totally anxiety there. I feel anxiety wondering if I’ve been dealing with anxiety.
I’ve talked to my pdoc about my anxiety and he keeps brushing it off. We normally agree on everything, but not this one and I don’t know why. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and I’m going to bring it up again and be a little firmer this time. Hopefully there’s a med that can lead to anxiety that he can take off my list. If not, I’m going to ask for some anti-anxiety pills. With a tougher school schedule coming up, I’d rather prepare in advance rather than be blindsided. I’ll see what he has to say about it tomorrow.