Missing Mania

I miss mania.  The last time I felt manic was back in February of last year.  My pdoc asked me how I was doing and I practically leaped out of my seat and said “FANTASTIC!”  It was a lot like Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch kind of thing.  We had a little chat and he adjusted my meds to bring me back to Earth.  I agreed that I needed that med adjustment.  WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!  I apologize, I know reading all caps can be annoying.

Those who don’t have bipolar will frequently tell me that the mania sounds like a good deal to them.  All that energy and excitement and the opportunity to go on less sleep and get more done.  Well, I wish it was that easy.  Manic episodes, and the impulsive behavior that comes with it, can lead to very large downsides.  First, there is impulsive shopping.  Mania can turn a person into a shop-aholic.  Sounds fun?  Well, it can be until you realize you’ve maxed out a couple of credit cards in just a few hours.

Another aspect of the impulsiveness is sex. For some, mania gives them a stronger sex drive, but it can lead to promiscuous, and unprotected sex.

During a period of mania, an individual can experience weight loss, perspiration and diarrhea as physical side effects of the disorder. It’s not uncommon for someone to get piercings and tattoos that they wouldn’t have gotten while stable.  Simply put, mania may feel good, but it can make you an absolute mess.

Five years ago, I described what I call Tigger Mania.  When it hits me I feel like I can conquer the world.  However, as I said at that time, “The problem is I can multi task, but what I can’t do is “multi finish” I take on a thousand projects but end up so scatter brained that I don’t get anything done.

So, the question is, if there are so many negatives caused by mania, why do I miss it?  Because I’m tired feeling depressed.  Mania may make your life a disaster, but it sure feels good during the process.  I want to stop feeling depressed all the time.  Even just a two week mania vacation would make me feel better. I will talk with my pdoc the next time I see him, but I doubt he’ll let me go for it.  Damn him for his knowledgeable and ethical ways.

10 comments on Missing Mania

  1. Bradley, I had to LOL when I read this because I am right there with you! There have been a few times — including one very memorable one — that I stopped my meds because I wanted the feel-good of mania. I wish it were possible to separate out the good part of it and leave behind the negative consequences of my actions while manic. Plus, the older I get the more I experience mixed episodes instead of mania alone, and those really suck!
    Oh, and the other reason I laughed was because Tigger has always been my favorite since I was very young. I guess I knew something even then!

    1. I have different names for different levels. In addition to Tigger Mania, there’s also Mountain Dew mania which is pretty much a mixed episode. I’m glad I made you laugh. If I wasn’t able to laugh at my craziness I believe I’d go completely insane.

        1. Mountain Dew mania is I’m manic and extremely jittery. Like I’ve drank too much Mountain Dew or coffee. Maybe it’s more like hypomania.

  2. omgosh. you know, i don’t usually leave msgs but I FEEL THE SAME WAY! i miss it soooo much. bah.

  3. I’ve never experienced mania but it sounds like quite an adventure. I can completely understand though why you would want to exchange your depression for it. Hang in there.

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